#idk ignore me I just think like. not enough people care about the violence done to women and children in emh and nobody wants to give it
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That post about cannibalism becoming too mainstream and destigmatized by certain sections of the internet and therefore losing its weight and horror and visceral nature just has me thinking about how HABIT ate a baby and everyone was like oh lmao heâs just an edgy cool guy!!!! Heâs just like me fr!! Haha!!! Which. I think not enough people are freaked out by the fact that he forced Evan to eat his own child raw and possibly alive. He mentions âthe bonesâ and implies that it took awhile. Like that wasnât Hannibal-style Brioche With Baby PâtĂŠ and Shredded Zucchini in a Plum Vinaigrette, he just opened Evanâs mouth and bit down until the job was done, and I think that says a lot more about Habit than people want to examine. Idk it just. has me thinking. The number of times hurting children comes up in entries and supplementary materials about HABIT is kind of overwhelming, really. Iâve seen people talk about how they think heâd draw the line at hurting children, but the source material goes out of its way to state otherwise- just about every time heâs in contact with children they die. Or worse. Heâs the summation of the worst of humanity, the combined aggregate of all of our flaws and crimes, and one of those crimes is cannibalism, so honestly I wouldnât be surprised if he made a habit (ha) of it.
#he would not respect your pronouns he canonically made a man beat his own dog to death and he made Evan eat his own baby.#like maybe some people are not ready for horror media#maybe some people resort to making silly fun posts to cope but I think not enough people read his blog posts#they are genuinely horrifying and evil and so is he!#and thatâs why heâs an insanely good villain! heâs so charismatic despite it all!#but god like. the fact that he was friends with Albert Fish. and Goebbels.#emh#idk ignore me I just think like. not enough people care about the violence done to women and children in emh and nobody wants to give it#the weight and meaning it was intended to have#if you donât care about Jessa and Jess and Steph and the baby and the kids in the stories and Vinnie from the past itâs like. okay#nothing HABIT does will mean anything to you#because nobody you care about got hurt except Vinnie#itâs pretty telling. to me#everyman hybrid#everymanhybrid#cannibalism tw#I guess???? if youâre on here you probably donât care but just in case
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Ok I posted about this in anger a while back but I'm gonna say it more intelligently and actually tag it because I think it's something people need to hear. Something that bugs me about how people talk about the morality of the men in this game is that a lot of analysis totally glosses over Anya's motives and what she actually asks of people, and in doing so once again strips her of agency. Like. The reason Curly sucks isn't because he failed to properly punish Jimmy, it's because he ignored Anya in favor of her abuser. He didn't listen to her regarding how to move forward, he didn't give her a way to protect herself. No matter what he would have done to Jimmy, Anya is still traumatized and in danger, and that's the most important point of failure.
I think a lot of people are projecting a revenge fantasy on Anya, and while I'm not gonna argue about the validity of revenge here, for Anya specifically I think that's a major mischaracterization. She's the one who says that our worst moments don't make us monsters. And while yes, this could just be her trying to appease her abusers, she still doesn't strike me as a particularly vindictive person. She's a nurse, symbolically in a role associated with care and healing. Before the crash, she seems like a very soft-spoken and restrained person. Hell, she can't stand giving Curly his meds because she feels so bad for him. There isn't really a point in the game where she calls for violence at all. And even if punishing Jimmy or Curly is morally correct (subjective), saying that it's what anyone Should have done still glosses over Anya's wants and needs. It still centers the abuser, even in vitriol.
It's especially weird to see people judge Swansea on these grounds, because like... We don't know what his dynamic with Anya was like. We don't actually know what she said to him, if she even confided about her pregnancy or the SA at all! I honestly think Swansea's actions give more credence to the idea that Anya herself wanted a peaceful resolution. The whole "Oh, I'm holding it together" thing, him becoming more hostile after speaking with Anya... He waits until Daisuke AND ANYA are dead before trying to kill Jimmy. I think the obvious reading is that he wants Jimmy dead, but Anya asked him not to do anything crazy. Genuinely, I think Anya just wanted to be safe. She wanted out above everything. She didn't want more violence. The only violence she commits is against herself in the end, in order to escape this hell her coworkers made for her.
And like. Swansea is kind of the only one who actually did try to protect Anya in a meaningful way. I won't say that he couldn't have done more for her - all of the men on that ship failed her in some regard - but Swansea intentionally keeps the axe out of Jimmy's hands. He keeps the pod a secret, probably to give to Daisuke, but we can't say anything for sure. I joke that Swansea should have killed Jimmy from the start, but if we're being real that would have been an insane thing to do given what the characters know. But Swansea isn't the point of this post. Like. Idk I just think it's really bizarre that when people discuss Anya's assault, they still do it from the perspective of the men involved. It's weird and I don't like it. Like people have said before me: it's not enough to hate abusers, you have to love victims.
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Feel free to ignore you've probably got a lot going on right now, but considering you know a lot about DOTC and Clear sky, I had a question...
We know that he's a terrible, misogynistic, woman beating and war mongering lunatic who was excused of all his actions because his equally misogynistic brother said " But-But he's nice! Deep down! This isn't the real him! "
But! In a world where the Hunters could write such a character, what do you think Clear Sky would look like as an actual sympathetic villain?
Idk if that makes sense, but what I've thought of doing is taking purely cannon Clear Sky and attempting to change him enough that he's still an antagonist, but not too far where only Reddit defends him.
I don't think he works as a sympathetic villain, on any level, ever. I think you're making a huge mistake to even try, and I have never seen an AU where it was done well nor am I interested in entertaining the thought.
Characters. Are. Tools. They exist to tell a story. The story that people tell me, by obsessing over some alternate universe where he was "ACTUALLY sympathetic and had a REAL redemption arc," is that they're not fucking interested in his dozens of victims. Nor do they actually care about the abusive impact he had on the minds and feelings of his family. They're JUST interested in Clear Sky himself.
Just like the Erins. Everything that happens in DOTC revolves around him. Everything. All his wives die so he can be sad about it. His brother defends all of his actions and BEGS you to sympathize with his pain so he can be 'redeemable.' One Eye comes out of nowhere so that there can be an example of "real" evil to contrast Clear Sky so he's less bad in hindsight.
The first three books of DOTC are bad, but the last three are fucking insufferable because SUDDENLY all that Gray Wing apologia pays off, and they take their main villain and throw him out a window. You CAN'T have "redeemable" Clear Sky and the plot of DOTC without dragging in someone else to drive the conflict, to BE the bigger threat to "unite" against. Slash and One Eye have to be conjured up out of thin air so Clear Sky can WHINE about how people only suck his toes instead of deepthroat them after he killed all their friends.
And yet, in spite of this absolute failure of an attempt, we continue to see this bullshit "redemption" be a mistake because Clear Sky is a fantastic villain, with major antagonist roles in nearly EVERY bit of follow-up material for DOTC that came after.
He's the most consistent monster in all of Warriors.
He's a fragile, egotistical, self-absorbed megalomaniac who ALWAYS sees himself as the victim, REFUSING to self-reflect and blaming everything else for all of his terrible choices. He will USE your love of him against you like it's a chain through your nose, step out of line and he will yank you into place with guilt trips, manipulation, public shaming, and violence.
He's a child abuser. He's a tyrant. He abandons the sick and disabled as soon as they're of no use to him, with grand speeches about "illness" and "weakness." He's a murderer who stands above the shredded corpse of his victim and bellows, "I'M NOT GREEDY! I'M JUST STRONG!"
And you'd write a "good" redemption arc for this, why?
Why are people so chronically unable to accept that there are LOTS of people like him, and you can't save your abuser? Why don't you ask yourselves why you're not interested in exploring Thunder, or Petal, or Gray Wing, and how his toxic influence impacts them? Why does the sympathy fall on Clear Sky? What about the DOZENS of victims who are dead by Book 3, and how THEY could have been saved?
Why ruin a perfectly good villain?
What's behind this trend where a billion people say to me, "Yes Clear Sky is a walking cavalcade of fucked up abuse apologia, and an incredibly realistic depiction of an abuser, but how would you change this while keeping it all the same?"
I wouldn't. You can't. It wouldn't be the same story, or it wouldn't be the same character. Never seen it done well, and I have seen it a lot. So I don't entertain this deeply frustrating "Well What If Clear Sky But Nice" impulse.
#The closest I'll ever get to that is Fallenleaf. And she lost it all#And spent years in the time-out tunnel#BAD KITTIES GO IN THE PEAR WIGGLER TO BE SUFFICIENTLY WIGGLED.#I don't think people in power typically change. If they do it's so rare it's not worth entertaining. Camel through the eye of a needle shit#and I mean ALL powers. this goes for abusive relationships too. I think they need to lose that power before they change.#When you have power. REAL power. You can fill those holes with it. You can force people to not leave.#so im actively hostile to stories that winge and cry about giving powerful people endless sympathy and chances#You've already shown me what you want to do with your power and as long as you keep it you haven't seen your consequences.#Power reveals.#It doesn't corrupt. It reveals.#DOTC hate#clear sky's redemption arc#If you're in an abusive relationship or under a terrible boss or in some other bad environment. You won't fix it.#You are not responsible for fixing it.#You can't fix it.#And they will not change. so GET OUTTA THERE#And that's who he functions best as. To me.#He's the bastard you need to escape.#And that's infinitely more compelling to me than Nice Clear Sky Attempt 32324#I don't write stories that beg you to sympathize with tyrants and keep your heart open to some maybe-change on the horizon#I write stories where they ruin everything they touch and have to be forcefully yanked out of power before they hurt more people.#And also screw every related take that's like 'ohhh after 5000 years of having his toes sucked he regrets it a bit :('#no he fucking wouldn't. he had his toes sucked for 5000 years. He's vindicated by how fondly he's remembered.#You can't fucking tell me that he doesnt REVEL in how violent the culture became. That him being offended about the clan's exile-#--was anything but him being offended his namesake was going away. That he wouldn't parade around like every choice he ever made was right.#''I made some vague mistakes which I will never name. BUT Im never wrong and always did it my way even if it was hard''#If you haven't met a person like that I envy you.#bone babble#Nothing makes me mad quite like this character#Again I yell about his brother a lot because he's widely loved by the fandom
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part one: youâve been running behind, iâm afraid youâre too late
wc: 5.7K chapter tags: MDNI, dark content (domestic abuse/physical abuse within a romantic relationship (not between reader and shinsou), general violence, nonconsensual quirk use??, graphic descriptions of injuries), ptsd, healing and forgiveness, undefined relationship between reader and shinsou, gn reader (no pronouns), pet names (âangelâ, âbabyâ), probably inaccurate description of shinsouâs quirk idk
Kyoji was good to you. He was older, he was handsomeâhe exuded a confidence that youâd not yet been privy to. He spoiled you, reallyâwith gifts and dinners and glimpses into a lifestyle that your young naivety latched ontoâyou liked him for that. You were taken by his charm, and how he always knew exactly what to say.Â
The very things you adored seemed to turn to sharpened weapons that nicked at your skin. But he was careful not to draw blood until he knew he had you.
Youâd met at UA, you in your second year and he in his last. You were inseparable from the startâyou hung off his arm like a little trophy he could carry around. What heâd ever done to earn that, youâve no idea now.Â
Hitoshi had been weary of him from the start.Â
âI donât know, angel,â he told you, sprawled across your extra long twin bed while you did your hair in the little mirror that sat on your desk. âHe seems a littleâŚâ pausing between words, treading carefully, âoff.â
Youâd gotten angry with him at that. You told him that he just didnât like that you were happy and not hanging out with himâthat he was only jealous that he couldnât follow you like a lost puppy anymore. Your words had very clearly wounded him, but he recovered before you could think too much of itâthe hurt bleeding back into his practiced indifference.Â
âJust be careful, okay?â he asked quietly as you all but tossed him out of your dorm. âCall me if you need anything.â
Youâd brushed it off, along with everyone else's thinly-veiled warnings, and continued to see Kyoji. Things were going well enoughâhe graduated and took you with him. There might have been something foreboding about it, but it was fleeting and you didnât put up a fightâdidnât dig your heels in at all as he was picking up the boxes made up of everything you were before him and loading them into the back of his car. You completed your last year at UA from the bedroom of the apartment you were suddenly sharingâall tall ceilings and chrome appliances. All for show, sparking and without a sign of lifeâjust how Kyoji pictured it. There wasnât a sign of you anywhereâall of your boxes had ended up in a storage unit not far from UA. They hadnât even made it the whole drive to the apartmentâit hadnât taken long at all for him to convince you that he could buy you things that were far nicer than what you had in them.Â
You still saw Hitoshi, but your interactions were rare. If he caught wind that you were on campus for any reason, heâd seek you outâjoyfully ignoring the cold shoulder you usually tried to give him. Heâd loop an arm around your neck, laughing at the way you bristled at his touch. You pretended not to notice how forced it wasâhow he raked his eyes over you, searching for something you didnât want him to see. Both of you caught in a bizarre performance of make believe in front of your other friends, who all regarded you with the same, thinly-veiled apprehension. Scanning for something that wasnât yet there, but that surely would be. All of you a group of dangling marionettes, creaking clumsily toward the final act.
Kyoji didnât like Hitoshi. Heâd made that clear from the beginning. He thought that your relationship with the purple-haired hero was strange, going so far as to tell you that Hitoshi was âtoxicââ someone who was âisolating you from the people who cared for youâ. The fact that Hitoshi behaved like he didâmostly aloof, eager to wound with his quick tongueâmade it an easy sell, despite him only ever regarding you with a gentle fondness. Kyoji stressed that he was only worried, because clearly Hitoshi had manipulated you into some semblance of friendship with himâone that was surely only transactional to him. It had always been clear, to Kyojiâwho was wiser and older and only ever wanted the best for youâso you let him steer you away from Hitoshi. You closed your eyes when he turned you away from your other friends, tooâletting him take the wheel. He knew better than you did, you were sure.Â
Now you know it was bullshit, but you were in love, supposedlyâyou believed him because you had no reason to doubt him. And he loved youâhe told you so, in all of his elaborate, and often very public, displays of affection. Each overblown effort made you uncomfortable, but heâd gone through so much troubleâand made sure you were aware of it. So you let him love you like that, even if it left you feeling a little hollow.Â
You scoff at the memory, now. Curled up in the corner, locked in your bedroom. Bruised and weak, you reach for your phone on the floor next to you. You scroll until you find his name.
He watches your face pop up on his phone on the coffee table. Half asleep, he reaches to pause the movie heâd been watching, and presses the green button by your name.
âHi, angel.â he murmurs through a yawn.Â
âHitoshi,â you croak, and heâs upright immediately. By your tone, he knows youâre not safe. He curses himself for not catching this soonerâhe should have known that things had gotten worse when you stopped answering his texts a few weeks ago. Heâd given you space, hoping that time show you what kind of person Kyoji really was, but itâs apparent now that it only served to isolate you further. Heâs made up his mind, thoughâthe gears in his brain slip into place automatically, and he wonât let himself feel remorse over what heâs about to doânot yet, anyway. Heâll ask his questionsâgive you the chance to lie to him, like he knows you willâbut heâs already decided. He hopes that you wonât hate him for it.Â
âWhatâs going on?â
âJustââ a sharp intake of breath, like it hurts you, âso tired. Iâm so tired of this.â
He takes a breath himselfâdeep and rattling in his chest, pleading with himself to keep a level head. He needs to, or he wonât be able to do this. He just needs to get you outâto get you somewhere safe. He squeezes his eyes shut, and pictures your realityâalone, hurt, and curled into yourself. He feels his pulse pick up, and tries to think of something else.
Questions be damned. He needs to do this now.Â
He says a quick, silent prayer to whomever is listening. To please let this work. To make you understandâto maybe forgive him, one day.Â
He steadies himself, and opens his eyes.
âAre you hurt?â
âUmâno, I donât know, Iââ
Heâs flooded with pain, all at once. Sharp and radiating, in his eye and over his rib cage, and across his throat in a way that feels suspiciously likeâ
You were hurt, then.Â
Heâs overwhelmed by the full range of your emotions, too, as intimately as if they were hisâshock, at first. He jolts as you startle, like the lights have just flickered out during a heavy storm. He feels the moment the recognition hits youâwhen you realize what heâs doneâand he feels it when you start to fight it.Â
âPlease stop,â itâs a whispered plea that comes from him, into the receiver he keeps up to your ear. He hears your breath hitch.
âItâs okay. Youâre okay,â he says, and heâs moving nowâalready down the front steps and out the door.
Itâs effort, like thisâhe wasnât sure if he would even be able to use his quirk over the phone. Heâd asked Aizawa about it, who eyed him for a long time before heâd answered simply, âYou should really think about it.â
And he has, but he sees no other option. Hitoshi knows, very acutely, that he is hurting youâ that heâs not doing a good thing right now. The thought of it turns in his stomach, but he canât stop. Not until he knows youâre safe.Â
He envisions your body in his mind. Itâs fuzzy, at bestâthe outline of you is warbled and distorted, but he can do this.Â
âWeâre gonna move now, baby,â he rasps, suddenly fatigued by the exertion of keeping himself moving and keeping you in his grasp. Like a villain, he thinks, and promptly ignores.
He starts to move you and the feeling is nearly blindingâyouâre in pain. His own rib cage seizes and it knocks the breath out of him.Â
âIâm sorry, Iâm so sorry,â he tries to placate you, even though he knows itâs shallow, âWe just need to get you standing. Can you do that for me?â
Itâs stupid of him to try to ask anything of you right now, and he hears you echo the sentimentâyouâre still fighting him, though not as valiantly as before. He can feel how exhausted you are, and itâs not your injuries that make his chest ache now.Â
He hurries past a gas station and realizes heâs closer to you than he thought. He hadnât been paying attention, not reallyâhadnât even bothered to disguise himself with more than his black hoodie pulled over his head. He hears voices to his right and realizes that he really didnât think this throughâthat he could easily be caught off guard right now, with all of his focus on you. Driving wasnât an option, thoughâit was dangerous enough just for him to try to walk and do this.
He catches himself trying to create distance in his mind. To call it this, instead of naming it. Because if he allows himself to recognize what heâs really doing to you, he wonât be able to keep you under his quirk, and he just needs to get you outâ
He feels a bump to both knees, and he realizes that heâs gotten you up and moving. He sees the vague outline of your bedroom window, and thanks whatever god is up there that you live on the first floor. Now that heâs closer to you, your body is more in focus. He can manage like this.
He comes to a stop at a street corner, less than a block from your house. He takes a breath in, and focuses again.Â
âOkay angel,â he says, keeping his voice soft, âwe need to get this open. Iâm going to be gentle, but itâs still going to hurt.â
It doesâimmediately. Having to lift the window with one arm to keep the phone to your earâthe only way to keep up the connectionâis putting too much strain on the fractures of your ribs. He feels you thrash in his mind, and he almost wishes he could hear your voice, just so you could scream at him. He wishes he could at least give you that.Â
All at once the pain is cut off and bleeds into something different. Panic, he recognizes. Hitoshi feels the adrenaline spike in your body and realizes heâs run out of time.Â
He needs to get you out now.
He takes off in a sprint toward the direction of your apartment. His hold on you falters, only for a second, but it makes you stumble. He feels his own fear spike.Â
âIâm coming,â he tells you, and it comes out like a plea, âIâm right there baby, just hold onââ
He hears the yelling as he rounds the corner. He sees you then, half way out the window, and he knows if he lets go of you now, you wonât make it out.Â
He feels a bruising pain wrap around his wrist, and he goes cold.
Hitoshi makes it to the window before he knows it and lets you go. He wraps his arms around your middle as you go limp, and when he looks up, he is face to face with the man who did this to you.Â
Kyoji, who is still crushing your wrist in his hand.Â
âWhat the fuck,â Hitoshi grinds out, and it is lethal when it leaves him, âare you doing?â
âWhat am I doââÂ
He doesnât give Kyoji any time to give a real answer before heâs in his head. The fatigue is stifling, but his adrenaline fuels his quirk. The grip on your wrist falls slack. He pulls you the rest of the way out of the window, careful not to aggravate your ribs further. You whimper, not yet fully conscious, as he sets you down gently in the grass.
âGive me one second, angel,â he tells your limp form, brushing your hair back from your eyes.
He takes a step forward, as does Kyojiârigid and clearly unwilling, but he moves despite himself, because heâs no longer in control. Through the window, Histoshi takes a long look at him, and feels nothing but contempt. He lets it bleed into the connection between themâfeels only a white, hot anger coming from the man in his hold, and it makes him smile.
âYou wonât make that mistake again.â
He watches from outside himself, then, as he leads Kyojiâs hands through the open window. Hitoshi feels nothing as he slams it down over his fingers. He lets the bastard go right as it connects.
Hitoshi hears the crunch of splintering bone, and only watches as his victim comes back to himself. Feels nothing as he watches him process what has just happened. And then, as a howl of pain breeches the silence, a sick part of him howls backâfeeling more than a little justified.Â
He watches for a second more, and then turns his attention back to you. Still limp in the grassâwhether youâre still unconscious or youâre pretending to be, he isnât sure, but he couldnât blame you if it was the latter. Hitoshi gathers you in his arms, and you donât fight him. He wonders if you have any fight left.Â
âIâm so sorry,â he whispers, rubbing his cheek against your temple in some vain attempt at comfort as he walks, âIâm so sorry.â
Hitoshi is a nervous wreck.Â
He fumbles through his own kitchen like heâs never been in it before. He opens cabinets, closes them, and opens them again. Heâs opened the fridge at least three times in the last five minutes, like something will be different each time he opens it.
He has no idea what to do with himself.Â
He comes to a stop, finally, in front of the counter and braces his hands against the cool stone. He lets his head hang and takes in a deep, shuddering breath through his nose. The only thing he can focus on is the knowledge that you are asleep in the next room.
Heâd brought you in and set you on his bed, checking to make sure none of your injuries were life threatening. When he was satisfied that they were not, he turned on his heel and all but sprinted out of his room, closing the door as softly as he could behind him. Sleep wasnât an option for him after that.Â
âFuck,â he breathes, knuckles straining in their grip on the countertop. He was nothing if not cowardly.Â
He nearly comes out of his skin when his phone rings next to him. He spares it a glance, and feels his stomach lurch when he sees who it is. He hits the green button, and itâs not a second after that the voice on the other end lays into him.Â
âYou fuckinâ idiot,â Bakugou seethes, âwhat did you do?â
Hitoshi has never experienced Bakugou as quiet as he is right now. The silence on the other end of the line stretches and expands like a living thingâitâs suffocating, but he allows it to drag on. He wonât be the one to break it.
He hears Bakugou sigh and lets out a breath of his own.
âThe injuriesââ he says finally, sounding tired in a way that Hitoshi hasnât heard in a long time, âare theyââ
âNot life threatening,â he grits, hearing the strain in his own voice, âI can take care of them here. But Bakugouââ
âI get it,â Bakugou cuts him off, gruff. For the first time in Hitoshiâs life, the constant of his harsh inflection is a comfort. âWas fuckinâ stupid, and youâre real lucky I was the one to respond. But I get it.â
Hitoshi says nothing. He canât say anything. Bakugou sighs again, long and resigned.Â
âIâll handle it,â he says finally, and Hitoshi can barely breathe, âJust take care of your shit.â
âI will,â he whispers, but Bakugou has already hung up.
He stares at the phone in his hand then, like it might come alive at any second. Now that he knows what he can do with it, he thinks he ought to throw it down and crush it under his heel.Â
His mind goes back to where it always doesâto you. He knows that itâs a vile thing heâs done, and he doesnât know how heâll face you now. He just couldnât stand the way your voice cracked every time you calledâhe isnât too proud to admit that he was afraid. Heâs responded to so many of these calls, and he knew of the few that heroes didnât make it there in timeâhe doesnât know what heâd do if he lost you like that. He couldnât sit and wait for that to happenâthat was never an option.Â
He sighs, squeezing his eyes shut. He tries to resign himself to what's coming when you wake up. Tries to tell himself that it will still be worth it if you hate himâand he knows that it is, because youâll be alive. But he will be another man that you can no longer trust, and as much as he deserves that, he canât stand it.
He swallows thickly, setting the phone down and pushing off the counter. He supposes he could at least make himself useful and get some food ready for you while you slept.
You donât know how long youâve been awake, but it feels like far too long.
Every jagged intake of breath rattles an ache through your rib cage. It shouldnât feel like that, you think, but the thought fizzles out of your mind with the rest of them. Itâs enough effort to force your lungs to inflate. You reach out a hand, slowly, ignoring the pain that radiates up your arm when you close your fingers around the sheets beneath you. Theyâre soft, and theyâre not yours. But you knew that.
You donât have the luxury of survivorâs amnesia. You remember everything.Â
You wonât cry. You wish you could, and you think itâd do you wellâbut to cry requires energy that you just donât have. So you blink your eyes open through the sting, watching the fuzzy outline of the ceiling fan come into focus. It whirls around lazily, and it seems silly that itâs not doing much of any cooling, but you think that maybe Hitoshi couldnât stand for things to be still when he put you there, so he turned it on.Â
Hitoshi.
You suck in a breath, gritting your teeth at the flash of pain. You feel it everywhere, and you are catapulted back into the feeling of your limbs moving against your will. It makes you want to curl into yourself, but you have a feeling youâd risk puncturing a lung if you did, so you lay there and let the feeling wash over you, pinning you to the bed.Â
You might be angry at himâyou canât be sure. You feel what could be anger, broadly, but you have a feeling that itâs true target is beyond Hitoshi, beyond Kyoji, beyond the way youâve been rendered immobile more times than you care to count. You canât reach it yet, but it is certainly there.Â
You know that your injuries are severe, but that they will heal. The physical ones, anyway. You donât know how to go about healing what lurks beneath the surfaceâwhatâs been circling in the dark for years now. Youâd reached a point about a month ago, when the verbal abuse became physicalâa new place, one without much feeling at allâthat had startled you at first. But you found it was better when you allowed yourself to lean into itâthe physical pain from a throttled neck or a broken bone paled in comparison to the vast emptiness of the quiet void you could escape into. But the feelings come back, as you lay here, and you yearn for the dark nothing again. You know suddenly that itâs not the broken ribs keeping you here in this bed.
Despite every nerve in your body screaming at you to stop, you push yourself to a sitting position. It takes a while, and you have to twist like one of those wooden snake toys you had as a child. You feel your bones clink off one another similarly, and you breathe out something that sounds to you like a laugh. Itâs ridiculous, the whole thingâto be reduced to something so fractured and still feel the need to stand up and keep going. Itâs hard for you to see the merit in that right now, but you do it anyway.Â
Hitoshi nearly comes out of his skin for the second time that day when he sees you standing in the doorway out of the corner of his eye.
He looks at you and he knows he should stop, because heâs not in control of his face right now and he wants to be composed for you. But he is not, and he knows you can see it.Â
He canât look away. Thereâs a bruise that spans from your cheekbone to your eyebrow that heâs fixated on, which feels like the safest place to look right now because he knows if he looks at the one across your throat, he will lose out to the animal growling in his chest. Knows he will walk out the door and not stop at Kyojiâs broken fingers.Â
He squeezes his eyes shut, taking in a deep breath. When he looks at you again, he canât tell what you're feeling. You are more devoid of emotion than heâs ever seen you, and it scares him. He opens his mouth, because the tension is crushing him.
âIââ
âOverstepped.â
He blinks, unsure if heâs just hallucinated. It isnât until he watches your mouth move around the words that heâs sure he didnât.
âYou overstepped,â you say again, flatly.Â
âI know,â and he does. He thinks thatâs an understatement. âIâm sorry.â
He watches the corner of your lip curl into something he doesnât recognize.Â
âYouâre sorry.â You repeat him like youâve never heard the words before. âWhat is it that youâre sorry for?â
âI know that I shouldnât have used my quirk on you,â he says, too quickly, âI just knew that he hurt you and I wasââ
âYou were what?â the tone of your voice is a warning when you cut him off, âhoping to be the hero that saves the day? You were inside meâdid you think that wouldnât hurt me?â
âNoâI know it did,â he hears the plea in his voice and hates it. He knows he has no right to ask you to hear him. Really, he shouldnât say anything, but he keeps talking anyway. âI know it did, and Iâm sorry, I just knew you needed helpââ
You cut him off with a bitter laugh, and then a hiss, hands hovering over your abdomen like youâre trying to wave away the pain. He feels it in his own body, quirk or not.Â
âI never asked for your help, Hitoshi.â
Heâs quiet then, feeling the phantom ache spread to his limbs. He knows you didnâtâitâs not often that abuse survivors do. It didnât matter how close you were to himâyou were out on that island alone, all the same.Â
âWould you have ever?â
You glare at him. You open your mouth and close it just as quicklyâhe hears your teeth clack together like youâre biting down on what you really want to say. He watches you think about it.Â
âNo.â
He sighs, running a hand over his face. He knew the answer, but itâs not any less jarring to hear you say it.Â
âI didnât feel like I had a choice,â he whispers, âI didnât know what else to do.â
You let out a laughâclipped and indignant. A knife, thrown right at him.Â
âYou didnât have a choice?â you snarl, and he wants to grab his words out of the air and swallow them, but he knows heâs too late. âYou took over my body and you want to talk about choice?â
He canât say anything. He watches the emotion flood you and knows itâs his doing.Â
âJesus Christ,â you laugh, âdid you ever consider asking me what I needed, before you did that? Or did you think that being a hero meant you knew better?â
Itâs startling, how on the mark you are. The shame lumbers over him like a tidal waveâ heâs never asked anyone what they needed, not really. He just acted. He was always just acting, never thinking first. Until now, the former made him a great hero.
âWhat I really need is for everyone to get their fucking hands off of me and to let me have the control that I deserve to have over my life.â
He canât look at you, and he knows for that he is a coward. He knows that he has done something so unforgivable and he hates the way he wants to get on the ground and beg for your forgiveness anyway. He knows this is the part where you walk out of his house and never speak to him again. He considers telling you that heâll call someone to come get you so you donât have to stay here.
And that thought gives him pause, because there he goes againâdeciding whatâs best for you.Â
He wants to stop doing that. Heâs been looking at you as a statistic, and that alone breaks his heart, because you are his best friend.
You are his best friendâthe love of his lifeâand you are hurting right now.
So he gathers all of his resolve and meets your eyes. He tries very hard not to flinch away from the anger you pin him with when he asks, âwhat do you want to do right now?â
Your face twists with an emotion he doesnât recognize for an instant, and then itâs gone, and thereâs that blank, unfeeling look staring back at him. You sigh, and it surprises him when he hears it tremble.Â
âIâthereâs blood. On me.â
âYeah,â his voice is a whisper, âdo you want to shower?â
You sag against the doorframe, like someoneâs let go of your strings for the first time. He smothers the urge to go to you and hold you up himself.Â
âI donât think I can stand,â you rasp, eyes shut tight.Â
âCan I run you a bath?â he asks gently, rising to his feet.
You nod tightly, watching him as he approaches you. He stops a foot in front of you, cautious.Â
âCan I help you to the bathroom?â
You eye him like you think itâs a trap, and itâs a twisted knife in his chest. But he doesnât waverâhe waits. He leaves room for a no.Â
He bites back the relieved sigh that wants to escape him when you reach for him.Â
It takes a minute to figure out how to support you without hurting your ribs. You settle for looping your arm through his, and he covers it with his other hand, careful of your wrist. He gets you to the bathroom and sits you on the toilet while he turns on the faucet.Â
âHitoshi.â
He almost doesnât hear you, over the water, but the shake of your voice has him whipping around, posturing to protectâ
âDonât do that again.â
And itâs him, then, who has hurt youâ who continues to hurt you. He watches the tears pool in your eyes and feels so, so sick.Â
âI wonât,â itâs quiet, but he hopes you understand that he means it, ânot ever again.â
The water that ripples around your body is tinted pink. You wonder how long youâll have to watch pieces of you slip down the drain until youâre whole again.Â
For a while you just sitâthe warm water offers some small comfort if you close your eyes and pretend that this is a regular day for you. That youâre not coming apart at your seams. But the temporary lull is interrupted when the water grows cold.Â
âHitoshi,â you call, quietly. You have a feeling heâs sitting just outside of the door.Â
âMm?â He is.
âThe water is cold.âÂ
âDo you need help getting out?â
âNo, Iââ you struggle a bit, to vocalize what you need, despite so adamantly wanting that not 20 minutes ago. All of your bravado from earlier has slipped down the plumbing with the rest of you. âItâs cold.â
You think you can hear his brain go through the mental gymnastics routine youâve tasked it with, and you try to feel a little sorry for him, but before you can get too carried away he catches up.
âCan you pull the curtain closed?â
Itâs hard, and it hurts, but you manage. âItâs closed.â
You hear him come in and kneel beside the tub. You watch him reach into the waterâthe water thatâs saturated with youâto grab the plug from the drain, and your heart kicks in your chest.Â
âHitoshi, the water is allââ
âItâs okay,â he says gently, and you hear the seal break with a little bubble beneath the surface, âItâs alright.â
He lets about half of the water out before he twists the faucet. You feel the water warm up again and you sigh, trying to relax a bit. Hitoshi dips a hand into the tub, moving the warmth around.
When itâs full, he twists the faucet back and moves to stand.
âDo youââ the words taste uncertain when they leave you, âdo you think you could sit here with me?â
He doesnât hesitate this time, and it makes you feel a little better. You hear him move to sit next to youâyou watch his outline through the curtain. When you look down, the water is clear.Â
âI shouldnât have yelled at you,â you whisper. Not quite willing to apologize, but still feeling like you should say something.
âYes, you should have.â
You pause, and when the tears come, you let them. âIâm tired, Hi.â
He lets out a breath at the nickname and you wrap your arms around yourself, needing to feel some sort of comfort.
âI know you are, angel.â
The silence is stretched between you, but itâs permeable this time. Heâs trying to extend an olive branchâyou decide to let him.Â
âWill you help me out of here?â you ask quietly.
It takes some maneuvering to get yourself standing, and when you gather the bravery needed to draw back the curtain, Hitoshi is already holding up a towel and looking starkly away from you, the tips of his ears a little red. Youâd laugh if you could, but instead you just lean into him and let him wrap the towel around you. Itâs warm, and you realize he must have put it in the drier at some point during your bath. The consideration has you stepping out of the tub and further into his armsâwrapping yourself around his middle before you can think better of it. He goes rigid for only a second before you feel his arms around your shoulders, caging your head in and pulling you closer. Itâs startling how familiar it feelsâhow safe it feels, despite what heâs doneâand you donât fight the sob that tears through your throat when he presses his cheek to your temple and runs his fingers through the damp tangles of your hair.Â
He sways gently, rocking you like heâs consoling an infant. You donât have it in you to be anything but comforted by it. You let out a broken whimper of his name through your tears.
âI know, baby,â he murmurs as you gather the material of his shirt in your fists, âI know.â
Before either of you know it, weeks have passed. You havenât mentioned leaving and Hitoshi wouldnât dream of asking you to go, so you stay. He takes every day as an opportunity to gain your trust.Â
Itâs a fickle thingâhe notices every time you flinch away from him when he accidentally brushes against you. He notices how far you sit from him on the couch, and how quiet youâve been. It hurts tremendously, but he knows it is his fault. Heâll give you all of the time and space you need.Â
He cooks for youâboth because heâs not sure how else to care for you right now, and because he just likes to know that youâre being looked after. He remembers how often heâd call in the middle of your âdinnerââsomething frozen and microwaved because Kyoji hadnât bothered to follow through on the plans youâd made and you were left alone. Hitoshi thinks this is the best way he can help you healâto make sure your body gets all of the vitamins it needs. Itâs a small thing, really, but he hopes it means something.Â
He sees you out of the corner of his eyeâleaning against the doorway, watching him. He smiles softly at you before he continues slicing the vegetables heâs picked out.
âWhat are you making?â
âSoup,â he tells you, sliding the cubed carrots off the edge of the knife and into the broth that boils beneath it, âseemed like a good day for it.â
He hears you hum, a sweet little affirmative that makes him smile again. He pulls a potato from the vegetables in front of him and turns it over a few times in his handsâchecking for blemishes and wondering if he should cut it differently than the carrots, to give it some varietyâif youâd appreciate the extra effort.
He startles when he feels pressure between his shoulder bladesâgoes rigid when he realizes itâs your forehead pressed against him.Â
âAngel?â he croaks, cautious.
âIâm trying, Hi.â
He lets out a breath, setting the knife down in front of him. âI know you are.â
âI just,â you start, pressing a little harder into him to emphasize your frustration, âI donât want you to think that Iâm punishing youââ
âHey,â he calls to you softly, trying to interrupt whatever self deprecation is happening in your brain, âI donât think that. I know that itâs going to take some time.â
You sigh, a strained thing, and when you wrap your arms around his middle, he indulges himself in the unbridled relief that comes with the knowledge that you want to forgive him. He looks down at where your hands cross over his abdomenâthe bruise on your wrist is nearly faded now. A tiny yellow stain on your skin. He wants to smooth it away with his thumb, but he doesnâtâhe keeps the ball in your court and his hands glued flat to the countertop.
âHow are you feeling?â
âIâmâŚâ you pause, thinking about it, âIâm okay.â
âYeah?â
âMm.â
âAlright,â he murmurs, looking over his shoulder to get a glimpse of you, âyou want to go find a movie to watch? The foodâll be done soon.â
You hum, untangling yourself from him to do just that. Hitoshi finds that the weight of your absence is far heavier than he expects it to be.
Itâs a start. There are undoubtedly things you still need to say and questions that you need answers to. Heâll give them when youâre ready. For now, he reaches to turn up the flame on the stove, stirring the broth with new intention.
this fic belongs to me (@gardenofnoah). i do not allow anyone to repost, edit, or reproduce this work.
#listen to quietly into letting go by manchester orchestra for the full effect#let me tell you something. i love exploring hurt and accountability in relationships#i just feel like i never get to see that play out in real time. especially now with the whole 'if he breathes the wrong way cut him off'#but idk i think it's important and it helps me heal my own hurts to write it out this way u know??#i just think our inherent humanity is the most precious thing about us#i hold really tightly to the thought that the connections we make are not so fragile that they can't weather a few storms!#even if those storms level our houses in the process! we can come back from that!#iâm not the worst thing iâve ever done and neither are you!#shinsou x reader#shinsou hitoshi x reader#shinsou hitoshi x you#mha shinsou fic#shinsou hitoshi fic#mha fic#mha writing#fic: i just sat there quietly
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20, 21, & 22 for choose violence (mxtx stuff is cool but can i poke you for falcom?)
Of course! I've got plenty of Falcom Salt to go around :D
Thank you <3
20. part of canon you found tedious or boring
Side Quests in Sky & Crossbell never felt particularly bad (although the cracks were there in Crossbell too) but in Cold Steel they were an absolute chore to get through, and I especially hated how the game became very formulaic with its designated TIME TO DO SIDE QUESTS and always warning you that you're about to advance the plot.
For Story related things, I just did not really care that much for all of the Thors academy plots. They were more enjoyable in new Thors II but not still not enough to get me invested.
(Also while I do love Gagharv, I don't particularly like White Witch all that much, except this is The One Game that seems to be extremely beloved by everyone who played it ^^")
21. part of canon you think is overhyped
This is going to be a bit of a hot take because the game is generally pretty well liked (by me included) but I have a lot of frustrations about Lacrimosa of Dana's big reset button plot because WE LITERALLY HAD THAT IN YS SEVEN ONE GAME AGO! (and I mean the exact same kind of plot - not just the island being reset which would have made more sense imo... finding out we're literally rehashing Ys SEVEN's plot actually killed all my momentum for this game ^^")
And for Cold Steel.... OH BOY DO I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH MISTER CROW AMBRUST!
I just really feel like nothing with this character was earned. I never felt like Rean was closer to him than everyone else in Class VII that his betrayal would hit THAT HARD. Or that we can set aside all of his actual terrorist activities because HE'S ONE OF US (Rean aside, rest of Class VII why are you like this too??)
I just feel he's way too easily forgiven and I can't help feeling a chill knowing that he (and Rean) are back for Kai >.>
22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores
GAGHARV TRILOGY MY BELOVED! CAGESONG OF THE OCEAN ESPECIALLY MY BELOVED!
I really wish these games were more accessible or at least had better translations because their stories are actually really good!! A Tear of Vermillion is very much as Trails in the Sky prototype in terms of structure and character archetypes and gives a lot of really great character moments and relationships!
And Cagesong feels like playing through a really fun shonen adventure, and its Ch 2 in particular has such a fun mystery island plot! Also music is great!
I also really love Ys Ark of Naphistim but I feel like that's one of the least popular Ys games nowadays (excluding Kefin) xD
Meanwhile for Trails, I feel like I just don't know what people focus on nowadays and especially with all the wasted potential of Cold Steel, but I'll go with Rean's status as the empire's hero and propaganda figure had so much potential and nothing was done with it. Idk if fic explores it much either ^^"
Oh also! I love the two bickering ambassadors in Sky and wish more was done with them! If there was ever a plot line to copy/paste from Gagharv into Trails it was one that could have involved them! :D
#actually a lot of my frustrations with CS are extra felt now because Daybreak is great so far#and I'm also watching Legend of Galactic Heroes which I know someone in Falcom likes#considering Neithardt Mueller haha and I'm pretty sure Osborne and/or Olivier was supposed to evoke shades of Reinhardt#they did SO MUCH with the concept of an artificial hero! CS had the perfect blueprint to study#I'm honestly not sure if any of these are actual hot takes because most people i talk to about falcom games have similar opinions xD#sorry for all of the rambling#i also wasn't sure if 'canon' meant only plot things or game mechanic things so i ended up with a mix of both xD
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"and the thing is, the real issue here is racism and bigotry and creating a more just society. a symptom of this issue is that matty, and men as a whole, make comments or jokes like this as a matter of course. why is that? how do we coexist with men who find violence against women, and especially women of color, joke-worthy?" I think this is such a crucial point in this convo a lot of people are ignoring. I don't like Matty and I am a member of multiple groups he's been crappy towards. But also. We literally constantly put women in this impossible situation of needing to tolerate men, to not be a bitch, to not take what they say seriously -- and also needing to be morally/ethically/politically spotless if they want to have an opinion on anything at all. We tell them they NEED to date, they NEED to have a man in their life, and the men in question ... are allowed to do/say whatever. And we only object to it when we can find a way to make what they've said/done into a stick to beat women with. The brutal truth is, the vast majority of men have said/done shit like MH has. But when women en masse object to it, we treat them like they're crazy and overreacting. So the tacit message to women is clear: This is not a big deal. Do not treat it as such. I know multiple women irl who are losing their minds over Taylor rn, who are dating/married to men who have done the same shit or even worse. And I'm not mad at them, because I get it. But it's fucking stark. I don't care if people think I'm not taking this seriously enough or w/e anymore. I am a woman of color and an actual fucking social worker and that's a big part of the reason I can't take people acting like this is a major stain on Taylor's record seriously. Yeah, he's gross. But we rake women over the coals for objecting to men's grossness all the fucking time. I think the porn thing he did was disgusting, but also, we castigate women who criticize porn literally at all -- even for being racist, even when they're not objecting to the violent misogyny at the heart of it -- as puritan feminazi pearl-clutching bitches. And now we expect Taylor to say something about it? Are you fucking kidding me? There is no norm of criticizing this in the mainstream, even the mainstream left. I think we love having a stick to beat women with. I'm sick of pretending otherwise. I know how hard it is to get people to give a shit about women of color, and I know how disinterested they are in doing it when it only involves criticizing a men and not the women involved with them. People are so eager to use me as a banner right now so they can have fun proving how morally pure they are by shitting on a woman in my name. But the minute I say, hey, how about celebrity man x, he's done this (and worse!) too -- crickets.
you are so right that some of the issues people expect taylor to speak up about are unreasonable considering her actual job and what she's shown us she's comfortable saying explicitly (IE, vote democrat, and sign petitions.)
i think, ideally, some fans want to blame her less and simply see her not date a gross person to begin with. and i feel the same. and we must always remember that the context of conversations in the fandom is taylor focused because that's our shared interest.
but i also agree with what you're saying- lots of men say shit like this, and, even though fans aren't trying to hold taylor accountable for matty's actions, making the conversation about taylor essentially has that effect because we are assuming many fans don't have conversations about these topics any other time.
i want to give grace to people and hope that this matty situation will lead people to become more politically active irl. unfortunately i also know some fans admit on here that they do find this to be a form of political activism. so. idk what i'm trying to say here except i fully understand and relate to your frustration here.
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Okay so! I wanted to know your opinion about this because idk what to think.
So in ep10, in the fight scene, Ray is pretty aggresive with Sand and pushes him against the lockers repeatedly (enough to bruise him apparently) and then punches the lockers on Sand's side. Now, when I first saw this I thought this was kinda abusive? maybe that is too strong of a word? maybe just alarming to me but because no one was saying anything I let it go.
Now in this ep, we have the bathtub scene where they acknowledge Ray's temper and the fight and they also acknowledge the bruises Sand had bc of Ray pushing him. and it seems the scene is played for laughs almost? like Sand is like 'haha ow it hurts!' and then Ray is like 'oops sorry ty for putting up with my temper' and it just makes me kinda uncomfortable? imo you can't get physical like this and idk, no one is mentioning it and I feel like I am exaggerating maybe?
I think i am exaggerating but idk it rubs me the wrong way sigh
You can totally ignore this ask if you feel like it's gonna bring too much discourse, thank you for reading and i am sorry if you don't wanna discuss this, it's totally fine if you wanna ignore this, as i said, i get it!
helloooo! so first of all, i don't care about bringing discourse lmao, one thing about me is i will talk about whatever i want, and i think this is actually an incredibly important discussion to have, especially as someone that does strongly want sandray to end up together for a plethora of reasons. and like i can joke about the "i hope they bite each others dicks off" thing all day long and while that is fun, that's not actually what keeps me invested in sandray or makes me root for them. and i absolutely do not think you're exaggerating because i totally get feeling uncomfortable with the way they joked about it and how it was glossed over - everyone has a different relationship with that kind of stuff.
here's my thing. sand and ray have always been aggressive with one another. and yes, when i say that i mean sand AND ray. i was actually talking to antania about this the other day, because even though i'd never seen anything about it, apparently people HAVE been talking about the fact that ray tends to get aggressive with sand. and it's not like i think it's bad to discuss those things because again, it's a good discussion to have - it's just that sand has always been aggressive right back. ray has knocked sand on his ass, but sand did the same thing to ray. the only time sand DIDN'T fight back was in ep10, and that was because at that point, he felt like he deserved it for what he'd done. is that actually true? absolutely not, especially since we know that sand gave the money back. however, it is why he didn't fight back when otherwise we know he would.
and while we can get into whether or not them being aggressive with one another is okay or not, i do think it's important to point out that that's really not their issue. sure, if they continue to get physical with one another whenever they have a fight, that's not good, but neither is a lot of the way that ray has treated sand. which really brings me to my main point - i think while it's not a bad thing to be uncomfortable with the way they brushed over the physical violence, you also have to be uncomfortable with the way every other conflict they've had has been brushed over. because this is really just another thing that ray has done wrong by sand. and this is not a dig at you by any means, nonnie, and people HAVE complained about these things in the past. i do just think it's important to address the fact that way more people have an aversion to physical abuse than they do to emotional abuse when the thing is - they are just as bad as each other. they both leave you with scars, whether mental or physical, and neither of them is good to endure in a relationship.
but i think the important thing to draw from that conversation is that ray not only apologized, but promised to listen next time. does that mean that's definitely what's going to happen? no, not at all. i'm sure he'll have slip ups and continue to fuck up - i mean we already see him going about the boeing situation in probably the worst way possible instead of just talking to sand. the point, though, is that he's trying. ray is in therapy, he's in rehab, he is actively trying to change for sand. and we already see him making great strides! no, not everything's solved, no he's not doing everything perfectly, but he's trying and it takes time. he'll get there.
also, when it comes to them joking about it, i honestly get it. yes, it's a serious thing and not everyone's comfortable joking about that stuff, but for some people that's how they deal with things (speaking from experience here lmao). not to mention, there's not really a whole lot either of them can say in a serious way - ray apologized, he promised to do better, he's actively trying to. why beat a dead horse?
and we can argue about whether or not he deserves the chance that sand's giving him or not, but at the end of the day, it is up to sand, and sand has clearly decided that the love and happiness ray gives him outweighs whatever slip ups ray might take on his way to getting better.
#this got long but well. yknow#oh also side note. i donât think the bruises joke was actually even in the original script#because first did actually get bruises from the lil latches on the locker#so they may have added that in for the joke of it#but itâs in the canon now so the why doesnât REALLY matter#only friends#sandray#ofts#asks#nonnies#my analysis#mine
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Hi, sorry I was writing a reply and it got too long.
You seem to be misunderstanding the whole picture. Idk if you purposefully doing it, but for the way you answer I think you just not be as knowledgeable and you might think.
We understand that many children are dying. We know itâs very sad and unfortunate, but israel and the the Jewish people can only be safe if Israel exists. Thatâs the truth, itâs been proven many many many many times over. And you said that you understood this.
Do you understand that israel has never destroyed the Palestinians, despite having every tool in their disposal to do so. Forget what other countries wouldâve done. Just objectively look at this. At Israel always trying to reach peace, every when the other side keeps calling for death.
Iâm hoping the time Iâm wasting writing this would at least convince you to understand why, despite children getting hurt, there cannot be a ceasefire until hamas is eradicated from the Gaza Strip. This is also why israel is unable to give in to any hostage demands. This needs to be the final war with hamas.
If thereâs a ceasefire, this is just going to happen again. Hamas will regroup, just like it had in the past, and when it feels that itâs strong enough, theyâll find a way to kill more people. And once again, as always, they will not care about Palestinian casualties, since they arenât even in Gaza. Hamas leaders are billionaires. What business do you think they run to be earning enough to have 3-4 *billion* in the bank *each* (there are 3 named leaders, google it). Their business is the worldâs sympathy: why are the people of Gaza living is shitty conditions? The Gaza Strip receives a billion dollars in aid, the UN alone was supposed to give them 670million euros this year. Why donât they have running water? Why donât they have electricity? No where towns in the US have those things and they didnât have a billion dollar to establish themselves.
Ignore israel for a second, so you think that hamas will ever allow these people to live happy lives? Theyâre teaching children to kill and die for allah, parents are filmed saying that theyâll encourage their babies to because martyrs, this is not okay for any reason. Seriously, why should a child live like this for any reason?? They have been radicalized to the point where they value death more than life, because if they valued life they would make different choices for their children, not live in a perpetual cycle of violence when they know they canât win (unless they donât know, and that makes hamas even worse).
They used to be a part of Israel. The separation happened in 2005, they didnât have to keep choosing terror, they couldâve still been living in Israel just like other Arab Israelis, but they decided that having suicide bombers was a better idea than just finding a way to get along.
And of course israel is not blameless, but a lot of it is in retaliation and a measure of protection to Israeli people, the people who did the nakba are not alive anymore, why are they still trying to kill people who never did anything to hurt them?? Should Jews go to Germany and kill the civilians there?
This has to stop. If you truly understand why Israelis need their country than you understand that Palestinian will never get israel, not unless every person is dead. So obviously the way forward cannot be to allow hamas to have a ceasefire and regroup, just to use Palestinians children as agents for more death and terror, just for the purpose of money. Since they also know that israel will not just allow its civilians to be murdered.
(Seriously what did they and the world expect israel to do? Seriously tell me?)
Anyways I hope this wasnât a waste of time.
Admittedly, I do not know much about the conflict, so I do have to try and educate myself on the issues at hand rather than whatever shows up on my Tumblr feed.
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1, 6, 8, 22 đ
For the đĽchoose violence đĽ ask game!
Disclaimer: provocative name aside, I am not actually trying to be mean here, these are just my opinions offered for Entertainment Purposesâ˘ď¸, and I'm not mad at anyone who has a different opinion.
1. the character everyone gets wrong
Trick question, it is not possible for everyone to be wrong about anything in Dragon Age fandom because that implies that there's something everyone agrees on. đ
jk jk that's a cop out. But seriously, for any question that says "everyone" just assume I'm making a wobbly-hand gesture next to it and we all understand hyperbole. Okay.
I think at this point I'm probably at least somewhat known for spreading the good word of Sera. đ And at this point I really don't think most misconceptions about her are malicious--I remember a day when Sera was much more widely hated, but she isn't anymore, which is nice! I think some of the more out-there takes on Sera (and about the Friends of Red Jenny) just come from that fact that she actively deflects personal questions until she trusts the Inquisitor, and not everyone looks past the surface-level answers she gives to realize there's more to it. My go-to example is the idea that she magically knew archery from birth and no one ever taught her anything (she didn't, and someone did). Between her dialogue, and World of Thedas, it's possible to put together a fair amount about the timeline of her childhood, when Lady Emmald died, the history of Red Jenny, etc.
But it does take some close attention and some digging and some math (ugh), and let's be real, none of us can know everything about every character! I'll just keep writing about her, because I love her.
6. which ship fans are the most annoying?
Honest to god, for me personally: no one. Maybe that'll change one day, but I hang with a lot of people who ship a lot of ships and none of them bother me. I have like one NoTP in the vast canon that is Dragon Age and you probably don't even know who it is because I don't care enough to talk about it. Hell, I have mutuals who ship it, and it doesn't bother me. You guys are cool.
8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about
This isn't like One Opinion, but a more overarching Thing: in general I think it would be great if there was more understanding of like, How Video Games Are Made, in general. I think it would lead to more focused and productive criticism of games better targeted at where the problems in development actually are. I feel like I see a lot of things that are almost certain attributable to Process Issues attributed instead to Active Malice. On the flip side, it's frustrating to point out something cool and have people always respond with "Well Bioware is too stupid to have done that on purpose," like there aren't writers and designers in this industry who are incredibly passionate about their work and the themes they can weave into it even at the level of chaos they're forced to work within.
idk. I think perspective is a good thing. Read Blood, Sweat, and Pixels by Jason Schreier. Check out Mark Darrah's YouTube channel.
22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores
I think because they're such wonderfully complex and well-developed characters, and because romances, the companions are always the juggernauts in the fandom and they always will be. And I love those characters, too. But one of my favorite things about the Dragon Age universe is the many wonderful minor characters where we get to see just enough of their story to make me feel like they do have a whole life they're living just offscreen somewhere, and set my imagination off running. CAN I HEAR IT FOR MY BOY SLIM COULDRY AND HIS FIFTEEN COUSINS đ
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DAVEY
Look yâall gotta start telling me if yâall want canon or modern đ
Okay so idk if Davey was based of Dave Simmons but let me tell you about him anyway đĽ°đĽ°
I think Jackâs characterization is far closer to Dave Simmons than Daveyâs. The only thing they share is a name.
But I digress
So! This is Dave Simmons!
President of the Union in the first half of the strike
Accused of betraying the strike, though I personally think he may have been a victim of a whisper campaign out out by the papers
The rumor was that he and Kid Blink took a bribe to sell papes before the end of the strike.
Though they both denied the accusation, they both stepped down from their position. Dave (I believe) became treasurer instead.
Thereâs no actual evidence that he actually scabbed. But they decided to step down rather than hinder the strike with disloyalty.
Newsies Davey
Mom friend. This isnât even a hc itâs just canon at this point.
This boy is burnt out before heâs even an adult đMy poor boy is so tired all the time please give him iced coffee and therapy
Book smart. Common sense dumb. Uses big words like auspicious but knows nothing of selling or anything about Snyder (despite living in NYC and being poor enough to need to join the newsies)
Here comes my rant about autistic Davey Jacobs:
Has no filter and even less chill. Davey is very all or nothing and I love him for that.
Doesnât get social cues. See: Jack v upset about Crutchie being arrested. Davey: âabOvE thE fOldâ
Special interest: learning. Especially about art. And hawking. And pretty strike leaders
He and Les have gotten stuck in echolalia circles. Theyâll echo each other for hours on end.
Has trouble lying, and approaching people in general.
End of this autistic Davey Jacobs rant bc I could literally talk forever
He values honesty so much it hurts. When Jack scabs in 92sies. One of first things David says is âYouâre a liar! You lied about everything!â And the devastation on his face in Livesies. Literal chills đđ
Where Jack ignores orders just to prove a point, Davey doesnât mind following orders as long as theyâre reasonable. As long as they make sense. When the strike starts, Davey doesnât quite understand. He doesnât get the difference in ten cents for a hundred papes. It doesnât make any difference to him. When itâs explained to him, heâs wholeheartedly for the strike. When Jack scabs, Davey once again doesnât understand because theyâve worked so hard. And this is the one thing Jack listens to?
Anti-violence. Even in the face of starvation and freezing in the coming winter (they donât know how long this strike will last. He has to be prepared) Davey is adamant. Do not soak the scabs.
Is always 100% done with Jackâs shit.
Is Jewish!! Iâm like 98% sure this is canon, but I am certain itâs at least fanon the Jacobs are Jewish
Say something about his baby brother and he. Will. End. You.
RYAN KOPEL IS SO RIGHT THAT DAVEY GETS A LITTLE MORE FERAL EVERY DAY.
Modern:
Daveyâď¸
He and Jack have been friends for as long as he could remember. His family always went around to the orphanages in New York, bringing old clothes that had been collected by the people of their Synagogue.
David and Sarah had always sought out Jack when theyâd get to the Refuge. Snyder always put on a front of being a kind, caring guardian when there were visitors, but Jack told Davey and Sarah about some of the horrors that they were put through.
Their parents never believed them, because Jack (having a distrust of adults for some odd reason) always told them that he was fine and he wasnât in any danger, and so they thought their children were making it up to try and bring their friend home. When Les was born, the Jacobs took time off to get adjusted to having a new child in the house.
In college for business or marketing to make sure he knows how to do whatâs best to keep them successful.
Dave in the Life: Multiple videos a week just vlogging the domestic side of his and Jackâs relationship
Been There Done That: Joint channel with Jack. Traveling, doing wild shit, usually featuring many of their friends
This concludes everything coming out of my brain about Davey Jacobs right now
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk
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the anon below me is awesome bro, imagine how petty and probably will never talk to them again, not even a single word coming out of the player's mouth and only looking down or anywhere except their faces THAT kind of pettiness yk what I mean? But a player with a strong favoritism?? If only that person is good and didn't rlly do anything but ignores the player (adonis, hajime, maybe niki idk, mayoi etc) maybe the player will kinda able to forgive them.... BUT if that person is like kohaku for example bc he is hostile towards you, maybe the pettiness is taking over instead of favoritism, lastly the player will probably only spend time with the ones that ignored the player instead of the ones that's openly hostile to them.. probably me tbh.
also can I be đť anon??
Combining these two asks because they were about something pretty similar! And yes, you can be đť anon ^^
gn reader
tw yandere, obsession, mention of bullying, physical violence
The player ignoring/striking back against the characters that had wronged them once
It´s honestly an understandable reaction if we´re being honest. We´ve all explained at length just how shitty it would feel to be treated so horribly for no reason at all and no apology could ever make up for what you went through. Bullying can influence a person´s life forever so what do you think happens when 50 batshit crazy yanderes are all after you because you âchased awayâ their darling? You´re in for one hell of a bad time and I wouldn´t doubt that you couldn´t just pretend everything was fine once the truth was revealed. I mean yes, now they´re super nice to you and practically kiss the ground you walk on but that doesn´t just make up for all they´ve done to you in the past. None of it feels honest now that you know what they´re capable of and it´s only natural that you would hold a grudge against them now.
Of course, when you start ignoring people, they´re all very heartbroken, though they can understand where you´re coming from. What they did was terrible! They love you more than anyone else and yet they insulted you and made you feel unwelcome. They know they have a lot to make up for but please don´t just ignore them, it hurts so much to not get a single scrap of your attention and they feel like they´re torn apart every time you pointedly look the other way when you come across each other in the hallway.
At this point, they aren´t really sure if you actively being cruel to them back or ignoring them is worse. At least when you throw insults their way or even hit them, you´re paying attention to them even if your feelings are negative. They´re still in your thoughts and they´re able to pretend that if they just withstand enough of your righteous punishment, you might one day forgive them. They don´t care how much you hurt them as long as they can stay by your side! So just please don´t ignore them, it hurts more than a thousand slaps ever could!
The second part of this is the favoritism and the jealousy that comes with it. It looks like you´re more willing to talk to the ones that didn´t do anything drastic and moreso just kept their distance and while it´s obviously understandable why you would act this way, the ones being ignored can´t help but simmer in self-pity and envy. If only they had recognized you sooner, if only they had held back, none of this would have happened and you would look at them the same way you do people like Hajime or Sora! But they messed it all up and now they really don´t know what to do to ever earn your forgiveness for the grave sins they have committed
#yandere ensemble stars x reader#yandere enstars x reader#yandere ensemble stars#yandere enstars#enstars x reader#yandere self aware au#yandere self aware ensemble stars au#ensemble stars self aware au#gn reader#yandere#cw yandere#cw obsession#cw violence#cw bullying#yandere x reader#đť anon
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âďž đđđđ đ˘đđ đđđ˘ âđđâ
PART 23: PRETTY BOY
emotions run wild when everyone is drunk and hardly coherent. quackity is always loud, but tonight is a full on assault on the senses (the ears, in particular). bretman simps for corpse too much for your liking. rae is happy for once. thereâs a confession of love somewhere in there. sister james makes a very good impostor, but thatâs old news, the real question is who gave you a knife? a new persona emerges that leaves the roaches quivering in their boots.
âââ corpse husband x reader, a lil bit of everyone x reader (because sheâs a queen) âââ soc. media + written fiction! âââ word count: a lil over 7k.
authorâs note: itâs the way i canât follow a fucking calendar for me. sorry guys, i swear to god i thought i had one more day before thursday . the idiot award goes to me and i accept it with pride. anyway, i was excited to write this for a while! quackity is in mexico, thatâs why he drinks, too. my fic, my rules, heâs too funny not to include. im also working on an extra w dream and mr quack so look forward to that, too! hopefully u like this part ily xx and as always lmk wat u think!!
ultimate masterlist. Â Ň Â myso masterlist Â Ň Â previous. Ň Â next.
âźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâź
âźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâź
The outfit for today was picked with care and consideration. Hot, as always- you had forgotten your roots, your hoodie and sweats lay hidden in the bottom of your drawer never to be worn on stream again. Youâve changed. Clout really does that to people. Some viewers, naturally, find your hotness near insulting: how dare you rub your beauty in their faces, and so unabashedly, too?! If only you had a twinge of self-awareness, perhaps you would tone it down. But you donât, and whether thatâs by choice or not is the mystery the whole internet tries to solve (ARMY has been working diligently, and you admire their effort, though in the end their tireless labor brings no tangible results).Â
You went from hot to hotter. In all truth, the fires eating away at California can be blamed on you. You carry this burden in stride, in your platform overpriced shoes some girl scammed you on Depop with, in your fishnets, in your skirt, in your corset, in your rings and necklaces and chains. You woke up today and chose violence. Decided your existence will be a plague to the rest of the populace, and meant it (that, maybe, you took inspiration from a certain faceless Youtuber that so happens to be your boyfriend or whatever). You feel powerful. Like you could step on the world and the world would let you. You decide that itâs the way it should always be.Â
The smile on your lips informs of nothing good to your quaint, small audience of 40k. You change the lighting in your room from the soft cherry blossom pink to menacing violet. As fitting for a villain.
Perhaps Californiaâs hellish sun has finally purged you of your bubbly, docile nature (arguably, you had never possessed it to begin with); perhaps itâs the forth mimosa youâre mixing as people slowly trickle into the lobby. Who knows?! Not you, definitely. What do all of those boring dead white European philosophers say? Embrace the unknown? Cheers, youâll drink to that.
In stark contrast to your appearance, your room is a fucking mess. A war-zone of epic anime scale. Everything is scattered, well, everywhere. A perfect representation on whatâs going on in your mind, always. You donât like how people focus on your surroundings-- youâre the main attraction, hello? Are you not enough to sustain them? Must they beg for more?! Totally ungrateful. You shake your head in disappointment, as if a mother scolding her children.Â
noooooo! mom pls forgive me i will never ask abt anything ever again T_T
yall looking at the room? lol couldnt be me
feels like im five and my mum just told me i cant eat a pretty rock i found on the pavement:(
You canât contain your sly grin. Eyes twinkle with a purplish hue, appearing all the more menacing. You tricked them once again, oh how absolutely evil of you. In your blind delight you accidentally spill champagne on your lap.
â-Oop, fuck.â You snort.
why does she sound like goofyÂ
The scandalous drunk Among Us stream is about to start. You had been eerily silent through the greetings, and those that chose to approach you were met with a cold shoulder and minimal replies. All on purpose, of course. You wish to plant a seed of unease within them, and so far, itâs working. There are questions unanswered, jokes unsaid, Quackity unteased. It breaks your heart, but it must be done. You look into the camera, all vulnerable and devout, as if to say: Iâm doing this for you, all for you.
pack it up yandere simulator
idk whats going on but i think im into it?
villain arc villain arc villain aRC VILLAIN ARC
âHey, guys,â Corpseâs voices rings in your headphones, and not a blink later his astronaut appears in the lobby in a cloud of smoke, âHi, Y/n.â
More sharp, excited hellos follow after. You merely hum, though give no further reply. As Corpse strays to your side, Charlie steps in in front of him, âBDA access only. You have a permit, bitch?â
âY/n is being quiet-sheâs being quiet, guys!â Quackity helpfully informs, as if the rest failed to notice your cryptic silence, âDonât be sad Corpse, man, Corpse donât be-she didnât say shit to me either.â
âY/n has decided to not waste her breath on the SDS.â Charlie voices, âAnd you know what? I actually agree with her for once.â
âSD-what now?â Dream questions.
âThe Small Dick Society.â Charlie explains, noting Dreamâs whine of protest, âOh no, donât give me that shit, werenât you bitching about not being invited and not belonging to exclusive clubs? Congratulations, youâre finally part of one.â
âWait!â Quackity interjects, âAm I part of it too?â
âGuess, Sherlock.â
âIâll drink to that.â Corpse says. You nod to your audience, like he just spoke the God honest truth, and follow in his example. Your tentative sip unexpectedly turns into a greedy gulp, but youâre not complaining. The only slightly coherent thought that rings in your mind is drink tasty.
âIgnore them,â Rae chimes, âY/nâs probably plotting something and using Charlie as a cover up.â
âIâd never.â The words slip past your lips before you can stop them.
âWell you sure are very quick to deny it.â You can hear her smirking, can hear the proud lilt in her voice, like she caught onto your silly little scheme, like she has you all figured out. Your eyes narrow dangerously. The night behind your window pools dark, with far away city lights glimmering before they, too, seem to dim.Â
Your roommate is back on your shitlist. How her name was missed among the rest.
âIâm defending my honor.â You yelp, the playfulness back in your voice along with your sunny smile, âI canât have my wifey slandering me online. At least do it in private, geez.â
If Raeâs such a good detective, youâll give her a good chase. Perhaps youâve been laying it on too thick. Made her too suspicious. She canât out you yet--not when your plans are so grand, so fun. It would be a waste.
âWhy werenât you saying anything then?â Quackity questions.
âDo I need a reason not wanting to talk to you?â You shoot back. Your friends laugh and he tries to shriek something past their cackle. You lean back into your chair, the tension from Raeâs confrontation finally easing. You wink at the camera and bring a finger to your lips. The roaches swear to secrecy, elated by your wickedness. As appropriate, they spam devil emojis and various renditions of evil hohohos and hehehes. The apple truly does not fall far from the tree. You had raised them well. You raise your glass in solidarity. A few donations fall into your pocket, easily summed up as: make them suffer.
Muting the discord call, you give a single response, âOh, I intend to.â
i hope this doesnât awaken something in me
^already too late for me bro
As caught up in wreaking havoc among your viewers as you are, you miss Sykkunoâs entrance, though from what you can tell, Charlie gave a stern warning to back the fuck off to him, too. Heâs playing into your plan so beautifully. Truly, you couldnât do this without him. Back to stalking the chat you go.
Your eyes flicker to the game upon Bretmanâs signature drawl and âHi, daddy.â. You have no time to get offended at Corpseâs sweet âHi, honeyâ back, because the next person to join the discord call and the lobby leaves you speechless. You knew, of course, you had been informed of the line-up, but still, you had never expected yourself to be so close to Jomes Chorles himself. You make a weird gesture with your hands, half wave half excited wiggle, as if youâre telling the audience to calm down, when, in fact, it is you that needs calming.
He goes saying his helloâs like doing a public service, name by name, before, lastly, uttering, âHi, Miss Y/n. Loooove the vids.â
Heâs a roach in disguise, who couldâve known?! Your audience is so diverse and unexpected, gosh, youâd shed a tear if the mascara wasnât so expensive.
âHi!â You reply with a grin, and itâs genuine this time, a glimmer of your old self, âHi, I love your videos, too. Itâs like, really cool to finally meet you.â
âOh my God, you too!â Is his enthusiastic reply, âOkay, the energy in the studio today? Love it.â
âIs this all of us?â Quackity asks.
âSadly.â James says with a note of disappointment.
âHEY!â
âOkay, guys!â Ash chimes, âLetâs do this! Proximity Among Us, round one, go go go!â
âźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâź
âźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâź
Luck does not shine upon you during the first round- you are stuck as Crew Mate, your life cut short by Bretman who had the audacity to bite your head off. Youâre positive Ke$ha wrote her hit single Cannibal about him, and if she didnât, she definitely had a Thatâs So Raven moment and predicted it. Itâs also insanely suspicious as after you are eliminated he sticks real close to Corpse, feigning innocence (and this is a controversial opinion you do not endorse) better than even you. It wounds your pride, having been picked off so casually, so quickly, and now stuck a ghost you roam the halls of the dying spaceship, lost, confused, heartbroken.
Charlie runs past you, not once even glancing in your direction. âBrother...â You mutter sadly, âDo you not see me here? Do you not feel... the loss of your twinâs heartbeat...?" Damn, these mimosas really are making you emotional. You sniffle and take a sip to calm the storm within you. No rage, just sadness. You are still processing your own tragic demise.
Suddenly, a meeting is called. Thereâs a horrible red X on your astronaut. You are the only one dead so far, and of course the rest wonât vote out the fucker. How bitterly you sit! With your arms crossed over your chest and your glare sharp enough to cut through glass. Fuck the sad shit, now youâre just angry. At the very least, the second Impostor couldâve given you some company!
âI knew something felt off.â Charlie is first to speak.
âWho the fuck killed Y/n?â Corpse questions, and his voice ignites a whole discussion that lasts much too short. The others skip, having no suspect yet. Itâs much too soon to start pointing fingers, but you still feel like they should have at least tried. Pouting, you fix yourself another drink.
âStop drinking!?â You gasp, exasperated at your chats demands, âIâm dead! What else should I do, the tasks?! Nah, fuck that. Iâm done. Iâm out. Charlie better employ his fucking detective skills because if the Impostors win, I will literally quit the game--yes I will, no Iâm not bullshitting, fucking watch me.â
Thankfully, Bretman was caught venting, and you didnât have to end the stream prematurely. The second Impostor, your roommate (oh, the betrayal, Rae, how could you?!) was voted out due to Corpseâs suspicion. Victory to the Crew Mates! The game restarts and you find yourself back in the lobby.
âMiss Y/n,â Bretman says, âI am sooo sorry for killing you first, baby. It was just too easy. I couldnât pass it up.â
Giggling, Quackity chimes, âSister slaughtered.â
âOh my God,â James groans, âshut up!â
âYeah, Y/n.â Charlie speaks, and thereâs an accusatory note in his calm voice, âWhy the fuck did you allow yourself to be eliminated first? Real noob shit, I expected more of you.â
âHUH?!â You frown, âWhatâs with the victim blaming?! I literally was doing my task and Bretman snuck up on me. Itâs not like I had a weapon to defend myself!â
âYou have been avenged,â Corpse states, âand thatâs all that matters.â
âThank you, Corpse!â You say, âAt least someone cares.â
âHey, I helped, too!â Dream pipes up.
âNo, you didnât.â Corpse shoots him down, âI was the only one.â
âYou were not--â
âLiterally was. Isnât that right, Sykkuno?â
âUhhhh-â Sykkuno trails off, âWell, we-we all helped!â You can hear his shy smile, and you just know heâs bobbing his head up and down at this exact moment, âWe all helped. Team work!â
âTeam work!â The rest echo, save for yourself, Corpse, Charlie, and the two Impostors. Silence speaks more than a thousand words or whatever. You pray to any higher power willing to listen to finally assign you the role of the villain, the one you were born to do.Â
Sadly, higher powers must have either shitty customer service or are in need of hearing aids, and you almost scream in frustration when your astronaut appears along with the others, the bold CREW MATE title chipping away at your master plan.
âźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâź
âHey, Y/n, hey! Hey, Y/n!â Rae finds you in Cafeteria, where you, metaphorically, are eating your feelings. Not that she needs to know, of course. She sounds chipper, a bit ditsy, and that must mean sheâs sufficiently tipsy. You store that information for later, and forget about it as soon as you notice Dream and Sykkuno, like her very own personal bodyguards, trailing after her, âWanna play a game?!â
âIs this Saw?â You inquire, somewhat lazy. Youâd be lying if you said the alcohol wasnât affecting you, itâs just instead of making you bubbly, it makes you mellow. This was supposed to be fun, you were supposed to terrorize everyone and laugh as they perished by your hand, yet here you are, wallowing in self-pity. The roaches start worrying. The donation jingle chimes.
BEATINGS & SLUTATIONS yns_fishnets donated 5$ mom just wait it out & dont worry youll get your vengeance soon lead them on!!!!
Your fishnets have a point!Â
âSaw?--No, no, haa, no itâs a drinking game.â Dream sounds like he has had one too many rounds of this mysterious game, and naturally, you are intrigued.
âWhere we drink!â Sykkuno clarifies. Right, well that explains everything! If you had any questions, you surely have none now.
âOkay, so, name a category, and you have to, like, say a word associated with it...Or something along those lines.â You hadnât even agreed and Rae is explaining the rules already. She knows you too well. Itâs both a blessing and a curse, âCan be anything! Okay, Y/n, Y/n, Y/n start!â
âUhh--â If only your brain computed as fast as she spoke! âSong lyrics! Wait--who drinks?â
âYou fail, you drink!â She hurries, âChoke me like you hate me but you love meeeeee. Syk, go, go go!â
âUhm, ah, I donât wanna feel like this, uh, fuck?â He laughs--itâs a raspy, embarrassed little sound, âI donât...wanna look like this? Dream, now you!â
âWait, weâre singing Corpseâs songs?â
âAny song!â You urge him quickly, âHurry! Or drink!â
âShe say I kill her cat like I'm Luka Magnotta--â
âHey! Thatâs cheating! You canât use my song!â Rae protest.
âThat wasnât in the rules!â He counters.
âY/n! Timeâs running out!â Sykkuno exclaims.
âOh, uh, will-will the real Slim Shady please stand up!â
NOT EMINEM WHAT THE FUCK
MOOOM WHT THE HELL THIS ISNT 2008 T_T
âRa-Ra-Rasputin, Russiaâs greatest love machine--â
âAll...All the other kids with the pumped up kicks better, uhh, run better run, faster...-faster than my gun?â
âUhh, shit--fucking hell.â Dream laughs, and Rae practically screams at him to keep going, âAlright! Okay! Iâm singing--uh, youâre so golden, na na na na?â
âI tell you what a woman loves most,â You chime gleefully, âitâs a man who can slap but can also stroke.â
finally, the mother mother representation weâve all been waiting for
i aint exactly gay but i aint exactly not gay >:)
the bis won
âI steal a few breeeeaaaths from the woooorld for a minute--â
âMitski?!â You question, eyes bulging, âBaby, who hurt you?â
Even if you canât see her, you know sheâs waving her arms around and shaking her head, âNot the point! Sykkuno!â
âUh, I-I, uhm, I donât--â
âDrinnnnk!â You all chorus.Â
âIt was a good concert,â You say, âSyk, Iâll drink with you.â
âThank you, Y/n. Thatâs very kind of you.â He says softly, with a smile lining his lips. You grin.
âOh, fine. Everyone, bottoms up!â Rae decides, and no one protest. A moment of silence passes, then, âWell, GG, GG, letâs do some tasks?â
Your enthusiastic Ariana Grande-esque âyuhâ is cut short by the second meeting of game two being called. The first one to go had been Ash, voted out during a bathroom break as a joke, and you still feel a bit bad about that. Now, you notice Charlie has been eliminated. A sense of righteousness fills you--while you mourn for your brother from another mother and father and family tree, you feel like this is divine punishment for slandering you before the start of this round. Karma. Nothing much is discussed, and the meeting ends shortly with everyone skipping.Â
You spend a good ten minutes wandering around with Dream, whoâs mission appears to be convincing you to join his Minecraft server, and really, there was no need for him to try so hard. You failed to provide him with a concrete answer only because it would've been to humiliating to admit that you agreed instantly upon hearing the word Minecraft.
Thatâs when things get fucking weird. Another meeting is called whilst youâre in the middle of fixing lights, and once the board with the members appears you audibly gasp. There had been 8 living, breathing astronauts rushing around the map, and now only 4 remain. You, Corpse, James, and Alex.Â
âWhat the fuck--what the fuck?!â You screech alarmed, noting Dream being among the perished crew, âI was just with Dream fixing the lights, I was just with him, what the fuck--â
âOkay, no one panic.â James says, âLetâs figure this out. Okay? Okay. Who else is close to Electrical?â
âIâm at Nav.â Quackity says.
âIâm at Cafeteria, but Y/n--â Corpse starts, âkinda weird that Dream died when you were with him?â
âI didnât fucking kill him, I swear to God, Corpse, why are you accusing me?â
âDonât be so defensive.â He says smoothly, âIâm just pointing out the obvious. We all have a reason to be sus, no? Considering you were right with him.â
â...It is suspicious.â James agrees, and a part of you dies inside. You understand their hesitance to trust you, but it doesnât make it any less frustrating!
âGuys, I didnât kill him, I swear. He invited me to play Minecraft, I wouldnât do that to him, not after that!â
Corpse merely hums, and it brings no comfort whatâs so ever. The situation is spiraling, and not in your favor. Trying to salvage your chances at freedom, you try again, âWh-James, James, you called the meeting, right?â
âYeah, I found Raeâs body near Medical.â
âSo I couldnât have killed her and Dream at the same time!â You latch onto that piece of information, hoping it will save you.
âYou couldâve vented.â Corpse points out, âPlus, thereâs no telling how old the body is.â
âKilling five fucking people? Itâs the work of one person, or else the game would have already ended. As it stands, I am no way sober enough to think all of this out.â
A brief silence hangs in the air; your lungs constrict from tension, from spilling words so hotly. You grasp your glass, as if for emphasis, and take a shy sip. It taste sweet, a bit too sweet for your liking. Must be your nerves. You drink again to wash the taste out of your mouth, which, surprisingly, doesnât work. You whine a little, stomping your feet like a child about to throw a temper tantrum.
â...I believe her.â Quackity says. You breathe out a sigh of relief.
âAlex, thank youuuuuu!â You gush, batting your lashes as if he could somehow see you and that would somehow portray your innocence, âI knew I liked you for a reason!â
He mutes his mic, his spill of words lost to your ears, but chat helpfully informs that heâs screaming because you donât hate him.Â
y/n out here collecting men like pokemon cards
Now all thatâs left is to convince the others. You start with the one you know will work, âCorpse,â You address him in your sweetest voice.
âY/n,â James warns, âdonât you dare--â
âBaby, I didnât kill anyone, Iâm crew mate, you gotta believe me.â
âShe's innocent.â Corpse declare, thoroughly convinced.
âOh my fucking God, you fucking simp!â James laughs, âSheâs obviously manipulating you!â
âNo, no, she isnât. Sheâs innocent, I agree with Quackity. Now, itâs either you or him.â
âCould be you for all we know!â Alex accuses.
âGuys, timeâs running out.â You mutter fretfully, noting the seconds tick by from white to red.Â
âIâm voting Alex.â Corpse says.
âWhat?! Fucking traitor! Fine, Iâm voting for you.â Alex hisses.
âUgh, hate agreeing with Quackity, but Iâm also voting Corpse. Sorry, hon, nothing personal.â James says. The VOTED icons pop up beside their characters and you panic, pressing your mouse idly but itâs too late, there wasnât enough time, and you cry as Corpse is thrown into lava. The chat spams F, and it feels like salt on a fresh wound.
In a second youâre back in Cafeteria, shell-shocked and trembling, and Quackity cusses because the Impostor is still among you. His frustration doesnât last long as you watch in horror as Jams Chortles, beauty guru supreme, murders the only other crew mate in cold blood and all you can do is gape and let his cheerful laughter fill your ears. The screen bleeds red, informing of Impostor victory, the second one being Ash. Looks like you voted her off for the right reason, but little difference did it make.
âCorpse!â You yell past the cacophony of voices, all in varying forms of excitement or anger, beelining for his in-game figure, âCorpse, Iâm so sorry, I panicked, I tried pressing the button but I wasnât quick enough--â
âItâs alright, baby. Donât worry about it.â Heâs so calming, so gentle, you might burst into tears again. What did you do to deserve him? You wish he was with you so you could smother him in a hug. Alas, all you can do now is say âI kith you, mwah!â and rush to the other side of the lobby, as if to hide from such a bold display of affection, even if it was a joke (it wasnât).
yall say corpse simps for y/n but the reality is y/n simps for corpse harder
queen stop its embarrassing
bhaddies can simp!! i wouldnt but its her choice <3
More deliberations, commentary, and short breaks. Once everyone has returned, the countdown starts. Youâre still reeling from the chaos of emotions, the five stages of grief you experienced in 1 second upon Corpseâs unjust demise, that it takes you a moment, a single heartbeat to realize what youâre seeing on screen.
The letters IMPOSTOR hang above your astronaut, with Dream standing just behind you as your newly appointed partner in crime. And suddenly, all the sadness and the tenderness and sympathy vanish with a curt exhale. You slowly turn your head to the chat, muting the Discord call, your soft chuckle of disbelief turning into a full blown laugh.
itâs happening!!!!Â
omg omg omg omg
VILLAIN ARC VILLAIN ARC VILLAIN ARC
You slap your palm over your lips, trying to contain your wicked smile, to tone down your broken giggles, âN-No, I canât laugh yet,â shaking your head softly, you look into the camera, âtheyâre all going to die.â
pack it up light yagami
this has awoken something in me.
^ same
The crew mates go their own ways, rushing to do their tasks like the diligent little workers they are. How adorable. Their grim fate is still miles away from them. The shit youâll pull will be for the history books. Much like your outfit, which you picked keeping in mind your newfound thirst for blood, you had devised your plan of action with care and consideration. You had been mulling it over all day, drawing on paper like the absolute madwoman you are; hell, you even made sticky notes on who to go for first and what to say. Sure, being moderately drunk hinders your memory slightly (an understatement of the century), but you got a feel for what youâre going to do. Itâs nothing short of evil.
Dream and you donât exchange words, you merely nod at him-- which he, of course, canât see-- but your criminal bond enables telepathic communication. You can hear his thoughts, ones that strangely sound like drink drink, drink drink. And really, who are you to refuse such an enticing offer?! As he fucks off to stalk his victims, or play pretend, you take a sip. The cocktail is still sweet, but this time itâs not the icky sweet you had tasted prior. You glance at your sticky notes, ones the roaches canât see, and nearly spill your drink for the second time today as you jerk.
âFuck!â You exclaim, shoving your headphones off and spinning in your chair. You hastily stand up, wobble -- the world is pleasantly funny right about now -- and giggle. Stepping past the mountains of abandoned clothes and pillows and blankets and anime plushies, you maneuver your way to your bedside table and yank it open, nearly taking out the whole drawer with you. In the mess of old diaries and bad drawings, pencils, jewelry, and stickers, you fish out something you should not be wielding in your inebriated state.
Itâs a knife.
In midst of teenage angst you had ordered it off of Amazon with your momâs credit card, all the while whining that itâs not a phase, mom, and itâs what all of my cool kid friends with fried hair have, and donât you want me to fit in, donât you want your daughter to be happy?! You think itâs about that time, the time of too much uneven eyeliner and black eye shadow, that she took to calling you little raccoon. Trash rabbit was your personal favorite, but she used it sparingly. When you presented your Macyâs outfit, holding up a fucking butterfly knife, to your dad, asking if it was a look, he glanced up from some boring business magazine all boring business dads read and said, with a bright smile might you add, âItâs a something!â.
Oh, how it gleams in the lilac light. You used to do tricks with it, back in eight grade maybe, and--what the fuck? Why did you parents allow you to buy it in the first place? Well, because youâre the only child, the only one important, of course they got it for you and clapped enthusiastically at your performances, because why wouldnât they? The whining theyâd face otherwise wouldâve been harder to endure than a whole dance number to Panic! At The Discoâs greatest hits. Broadway looked so fucking shabby in comparison. Your mom said so, so it must be true.
Stumbling back to your extremely confused viewers, you take your seat, feeling a bit more grounded now that youâre not standing on your platform shoes anymore. Putting on your headphones, you grin at the chat that starts swimming, and not from too much drinking either. You do a quick flick of your wrist, one that thankfully doesnât end in injury, and the sharp tip of the exposed knife points upwards, glimmering. Itâs a rainbow colored one, because one, itâs pretty, and two, you werenât hardcore enough for the jet-black or straight up military ones the other emo kids had. Cute and dangerous, just like you.
So you just sit there, holding it up, looking somewhat sly as the roaches capture this momentous moment with screen-caps. Someone definitely clipped you trudging past the obstacle course to obtain a weapon of mass destruction. You must be already trending on Twitter, though you canât exactly log on and confirm your suspicions. You just feel like you might be, like you should be, because your audience wouldnât let this slide. Thankfully, your friends donât have time to check social media, or youâd be outed in an instant.
âY/n?â Your roommates voice booms from your headphones, and you perk up with a stupid realization that you completely forgot about Among Us. Stuck at the start, at the lobby where Dream had left you, you see her astronaut waddling to you, âWhat are you doing here? Wait--Have you not moved from the beginning?â She can barely finish the sentence without giggling.Â
You grin, âI was looking for something.â
Your voice is soft, too calm for your usual frantic spill. You gently set the knife down, hand coming to rest on your mouse, fingers idly, slowly, bouncing on the buttons.
â...What were you looking for?â Sheâs none the wiser, the numerous drinks consumed tonight numbing her sharp mind. She would have noticed. Your eerie composure wouldâve given it away in a heartbeat, or at least hinted at something being objectively wrong. But she sounds curious. Poor girl, hasnât she heard? Curiosity killed the cat.
âA knife.â
âA knife?!â Thereâs something about her tone that implies a mental clicking, the puzzle pieces falling together, âYou have a knife?!â
âYes.â
âNo!â
You think it would only be appropriate that the random sequence of killing animations renders the backstabbing one. You grin, biting your lower lip with a quiet snicker.
i love women
if evil bad...why seggy?
You take your time leaving her there -- in true serial-killer-to-be fashion, you stick around for a bit longer, admiring your handiwork, or more like the chat singing your praises. You joined today with the intent of making an interesting stream. You have no doubt in your mind that now it will be legendary.
You move down the hallway, and you let your imagination wander: you can almost feel the stuffy air of your helmet, can almost hear your loud footsteps echoing in all this hush, can almost see your reflection in the spotless tile floor. Itâs not long before your second victim makes an appearance, running circles in Cafeteria. You hear his voice first before you see him, recognizing Alex by his unhinged screech of âLetâs go, letâs go, letâs goooo!âÂ
âAnd whatâs got you so excited?â How cool and collected you are, gosh, you barely contain the quiver of excitement that threatens to slip out.Â
âY/n!â He exclaims, rushing to your side like a lost puppy--heâs really making this easy for you, heâs not even trying, âYou just missed--Oh my fucking God, you just missed James, he-he called me tall, he called me fucking tall! Letâs go, letâs gooooo!â
âWell, you are tall, arenât you?â You chime sweetly, almost as sweet as the drink that lingers on the tip of your tongue, âReal 6â˛3 energy, no?â
âYes, yes, exactly! You get it, you fucking get it--â Once again, his mic goes mute, and you glance at the chat for help.
hard to transcribe what hes saying but hes taking shots and yelling that he loves you good job mom
hey, queen! girl, you have done it again, constantly raising the bar for us all and doing it flawlessly
mom plz dont kill alex hes too cute hes all uwu rn
Oh, how youâre about to break his poor little heart. If you had any good left in you, youâd spare him. You donât, and youâre not taking requests at the moment, so all you do is smile at your chat and they know. They just do. Hive-mind shit, youâre all two-faced little fuckers.
You giggle, and it sounds a tad fake, âYouâre so weird, Alex,â You start, and heâs back in the call, a sound of confusion echoing in your ears, âbut I get it, you know. Youâre weird. Youâre a weirdo. You donât fit it, and you donât want to fit in. I mean, really, has anyone even seen you without your stupid hat?â
â...Do--â He sputters, bellowing a laugh, âDo you have that whole fucking monologue memorized?!â
âIs it because youâre bald?â
âIâm not fucking bald!â His giddiness is quickly replaced by anger.
You hum, pretend to think, lastly barking a âLiar.â before you kill him. His scream is cut off, leaving only deafening silence at itâs wake. Unlike with Rae, you donât stick around. You didnât appreciate how little he enjoyed your recital.
You run into James near Navigation, most likely on his way to Cafeteria. He ends his song mid-note, and you breathe a sigh of relief, âFinally! Someone! Iâve been looking all over, where the hell is everyone?â You question, blocking his way, lest he accidentally stumbles onto the crime scene and easily pins it on you. Youâre not done yet.
âHonestly? No clue. Iâm searching for them myself, like, everyoneâs scattered. I hope no one died.â
You smile. You tried not to, but you canât contain it, âMe, too.â You echo the sentiment, urging him to join you, and he does. Too trusting. Everyone in this game is too fucking trusting. You lead him back to Nav, feigning that you have a task here. As you pretend to move the spaceship, you canât help but ask, âHey, James?â
âYeah?â
âWhatâs your favorite scary movie?â
A beat of silence passes, âOh no, fuck that, I donât like this at all.â He states, about to spin on his heel and bolt like he should do, but youâre quicker-- killer instincts and all-- and heâs dead before he makes it out the doorway.
âSee, after your No More Lies video, I figured youâd only tell the truth.â Yes, this is the part of the anime where the villain monologues, only the hero in this case is an astronaut cut in half, and not exactly alive to listen to you. You hope Jamesâ ghost sticks around, âCase in point, why the fuck did you tell Quackity heâs tall?â You eye the chat, whichâs mostly spamming W and comparing you to Ryo from Devilman Crybaby. âSuch a shame...â You murmur, pressing the REPORT button.
âWhat?! How are so many people dead?!â Ash gasps, her kind voice tinted with fear and confusion. Your three kills, like military stars on an uniform of a distinguished officer, are displayed on the board. Dream appears to be slacking, having yet to take a life.
âSomeoneâs been real fucking busy.â Charlie observes. Itâs true, you have been.
âI found James in Nav, but holy shit--â You begin, exasperated, â--what the fuck, guys, how did we miss this shit? Where is everyone?â
âIâm at Electrical.â Corpse voices.
âAnd Iâm with Corpse.â One sentence is all it takes to figure out your next target: Bretman. Revenge for being killed first in the first goddamn round, and for spending so much time with your boyfriend.
Eep!!! Boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend!!! The word even makes you forget your thirst for blood, thatâs how whipped you are. Sadly, itâs time to return to reality, to this grave situation.
âAnd what have the two of you been conspiring?â You keep your tone level, but that alone is enough to set everyone off. The unease you had planted within them before the game started is starting to bloom. However, if they suspect you, they donât speak up, not yet.
âFishnets, mostly.â Corpse says.
only partly a lie he was mostly talking abt u queen <3
corpse simping for y/n is the sweetest thing ever
the times corpse used y/ns name when talking abt y/n: 1. the times he used baby or my baby: infinite
âIâm wearing them right nyoooow.â Bretman drawls.
You hum, âWhat a coincidence. I am, too.â
âWait--For real?â That seems to catch Corpseâs attention, because of course it does, you picked them with him in mind, after all.
âNo peeping.â You tsk, obviously referring to his tendency to hop onto your stream unprompted. Whether he actually listens to your demands is beyond you, âPeeping means cheating.â
âFor the love of fuck all, can we get back to the three dead bodies, please? Because Iâm about to have a second coming of Christ moment and taste my consumed, digested beer for the second time.â Charlie interjects.
âI mean, anyone have any ideas whoâd do this?â Dream takes hold of the conversation. Quiet, disappointed nos greet him. They have nothing to go on, no clues, not even a subliminal message. With everyone scattered, there is no way of locating the actual bodies and drawing a long red trail leading back to you.Â
Youâre too good at lying, and Dream is too good of a publicist. People tend to trust his judgement, which is his main asset (besides his calm demeanor of course). When the Among Us gods chose you as Impostor, they made sure you had every advantage.Â
âWho-Who do you think it is, Dream?â Ash questions, âI trust you. I do. Just know that.â
âNo fucking clue.â
âY/n?â She tries again.
âSame. Iâm a bit worried, though.â
âLetâs, uhhh, letâs skip?â Sykkuno offers. The consensus is to start voting at six. Your new mission is to make sure you dwindle the numbers down drastically before that can happen. You have no qualms about sacrificing Dream in order to meet your goals, either. Absolutely cold blooded.
Back at Cafeteria, there are words exchanged about Quackityâs body just laying there, forgotten. Blame is shifted: how come we didnât notice sooner? Whereâs Rae? And you mindlessly go along with their mourning, not really paying attention. Dream leaves with Charlie and Sykkuno, Corpse requests you stay with him and you sprout fake apologies. Not his time yet. Us girls need to stick together!, you sing, following after Ashley and getting further and further away from him, going deeper and deeper into the labyrinth of the spaceship.
You find yourself in Security with her, her cute astronaut pressed to the cameras, watching the live feed, âLetâs lurk here, okay? Maybe weâll see something.â If only she saw who was standing behind her.Â
âWho do you think is the Impostor?â You ask, standing in the doorway, âOr, more like, who are the Impostors?â
âHonestly?â She ends her word with a little sigh, âI think it might be Corpse and Bretman. I havenât seen them at all this game.â
You smile, raising your brows, tilting your heard, and you sound so kind, like a dear old friend about to deliver a tender message, â...Have you seen me?â
âSHIT!â
Too late. In one smooth motion she joins the afterlife. You cut the lights, venting mindlessly till you spot Corpse and Bretman panicking in Weapons. Your existence is still a mystery to them.
âFuck fuck fuck fuck--â Corpse mumbles, âBretman, donât you dare fucking kill me right now.â
âIâm not Impostor!â
âOkay, Iâll drink to that.â
They rush out of Weapons, most likely on their way to Electrical, and you trail after them like the Grim Reaper itself, biding your time till you can deliver the killing blow.
âCorpse?!â You call out, mild panic ringing in your voice, âIs that you?â
âShit, Y/n? Where are you?â He questions. Crew vision is so sad, so small, how can he not see you standing almost right next to him? âWhereâs Ash?â
âI dunno,â You say, âwhen the lights went out I ran. Please donât kill me.â
âIâd never do that, baby.â
Too easy. Theyâre all too fucking easy. You bite your lower lip, trying to stop the laugh bubbling in your chest, to stop the lightheaded dizziness that overcomes you with a rush of excitement.Â
âThanks, pretty boy.â You mutter, and it sounds a bit lower than you intended, a bit darker, something sinister lurking underneath cotton candy words. It instantly clicks in Bretman and he makes a noise, something like a whine, and you see him backing away, âI know I can always trust you.âÂ
Whether Corpse notices the odd shift in tone, he doesnât show it, âI like it when you call me that.â Is all he says, and you hear the smile in his voice, the appreciation. The trek to Electrical is all but forgotten. You slowly make your way to Bretman, âWhere are you? Come here.â
âJust a minute,â You say cheerily, âI just need to kill Bret first.â
âHoly shit.â
âN-â Your victimâs sentence is cut off in a second, and you canât contain your manic cackle this time, because the screen bleeds red, the words VICTORY splattered on it, depicting yours and Dreamâs sneaky astronauts. Youâre still laughing as the voices of your fallen friends ring in your ears.
âY/n, what the fuck, youâre an actual monster.â Dream says, but thereâs no actual weight behind his words, each syllable punctured with a laugh.
âI knew the second she asked me about my favorite scary movie that Iâd get the chop.â James states.
âWait, Y/n, did you kill everyone?â Corpse questions.
âShe fucking did!â Dream answers for you, âI got Charlie and Sykkuno, and barely at that. What the fuck.â
âIâve been waiting so fucking long for this.â You admit, giggling, raising you glass, âI toast to you, Dream. My perfect partner in crime.â
âI didnât really do shit, but cheers.â
Quackity heaves a heavy sigh, âY/n, Y/n, you donât actually think Iâm weird, right? Right?â
âNo, she does.â James chimes.
âWHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU, DUDE?!â
More commotion, more noise, and you just sit there, buzzed, snickering, reading the chat as the rest agree to play another round. You thank the people who donated that you had accidentally missed among the, you know, murder, reply to a few questions, bow dramatically to the many praises and invisible flowers you receive for such beautiful assassin work. When you look back at the screen, you throw your head back with a maniacal laugh.
Impostor again, only this time itâs with Charlie. Family bonds are often restored when united under a common goal. Youâre so happy. So happy. You werenât done terrorizing your friends yet.
âźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâź
âźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâźă Ň ăâź
tags (in italics is those i couldnât tag! make sure allâs ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritosâ - @fairywriter-oracleâ - @tsukishimawh0reâ - @ofstarsanddreamsâ - @bbecc-aâ - @annshitâ - @leahh19â - @letsloveimaginesâ - @bellomi-clarkeâ - @wineandionysusâ - @guiltydolsâ - @onephootinfrontoftheotherâ - @liamakornâ - @thirstyfangirlâ - @lilysdaydreamsâ - @pan-iniâ - @mxqicshxpâ - @tanchosankeâ - @yoshinorecommendsâ - @flightsandfantasyâ - @liljennyx3â - @bingusmode - @unknown-and-invisibleâ - @sinister-sleepâ - @fivedicksinatrenchcoatâ - @mercuryâmoon - @peterparkerspjsuitâ - @unstableyeâ - @simonsblueeâ - @shinyshimaagainâ - @ppoptyâ - @siriuslystupidâ - @crapimahumanâ - @ofthedewthesunlightâ - @mythicalamphitriteâ - @artsyallyâ - @corpsesimppâ - @corpsewhiteteeâ - @corpse-husbandsimpâ - @hyp-oh-criticalâ - @roses-and-grassesâ - @rhyrhy462â - @sparklylandflaplawyerâ - @charbkgoâ - @airwaveeeâ - @creativedogsâ - @kaitlyn2907â - @loxbbgâ - @afuckingunicornnâ - @fleurmoonâ - @yeolliedokaiâ
more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max đ
#corpse husband#corpse#corpse husband x reader#corpse x reader#corpse social media au#corpse husband x y/n#corpse husband fic#corpse husband social media au#social media au#myso#make you say oh#quackity#dream smp#corpse x y/n#imagine#imagines#reader#xreader
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When In Madripoor
Bucky Barnes x Daughter!reader
Word Count: 1,719
Requested By: Anonymous
Hi love I donât know if your taking any requests right now but I was just wondering if you could do a bucky x teen with some fluff and angst? Where maybe they get hurt on a mission idk you have free creative roam âşď¸ I just love your stories tfaws rewrite was my favorite đ¤ keep up the good work ďżźďżź
A/N: This takes place during episode three of fatws so reader is about 15
Warnings: Description of injuries, blood, mentions of gunshots/fights, slight violence, some curse words (let me know if I forget any)
You expected things to go horribly wrong when your dad convinced both you and Sam that breaking Zemo out of jail was a good idea. You hated Zemo and didnât trust him. You most definitely didnât want to use his help to take down the Flagsmashers but there werenât any other options. So soon enough, you found yourself on a plane with Zemo, alongside your dad and Sam.Â
The trip went by way too quickly for your liking and the four of you touched down in Madripoor. You all had to change and get ready to go find Zemoâs contact here. The four of you made your way to the bar, but so easily as you had hoped.
You and your dad had to take on your old personas to get your way and the answers you needed. You were a bit rusty in your fighting techniques and it became clear when a man came up behind you and tried to cut your arm on a piece of broken glass. Luckily for you, he wasnât good at aim and barely grazed your arm. You could still feel the blood start to trickle down but you were able to ignore it.Â
Once Zemo deemed enough damage was done, he let you and Bucky stop fighting and you four made your way up to the lounge area to talk to Selby. That talk didnât go much better, seeing as the four of you were running for your lives through the streets of the city.Â
Guns were going off everywhere and you had to duck and swerve to avoid getting hit by bullets. Motorcycles came up behind you, making it even harder to avoid them. The only reason why you, Sam, and Bucky left unharmed was because of Sharron, who saved all your asses.Â
âSharron? What are you doing here?â your dad asked her.Â
âI didnât have the Avengers to back me up so I had to go off the grid,â she said. She glanced over at you, âAre you okay?â she asked you.Â
You shot her a confused look. Sharron barely knew you so why would she care if you were okay, âYeah Iâm fine,â you said.Â
âWell you donât look fine,â she said, motioning to your torso.Â
You glanced down and saw what she had seen. The left side of your suit was a lot darker than the right and when you placed your hands over the fabric, it was wet, âShit,â you mumbled, quickly trying to think of what to do.Â
Bucky whipped his head over to you and saw the scene, âAre you shot?â he asked, rushing over to you, âOh my God why didnât you say anything Y/n!â
âI didnât realize Iâm sorry,â you said. It was true. You hadnât felt the bullet graze your side due to the adrenaline from the earlier chase so you didnât sense any pain.Â
âLet me get you guys somewhere safe and then you can take care of that,â Sharron said, starting to lead you all away and to her place.Â
Bucky watched over you as you made your way through the city, trying to avoid all the people. He held onto you, making sure you didnât stray too far from the group or making sure you didnât trip and fall.Â
âIâm sorry dad,â you mumbled. You felt bad for getting hurt and not realizing it.Â
âDonât apologize Y/n,â he responded, âItâs not your fault. Letâs just get you fixed up, yeah?â
You nodded and let him lead you to Sharronâs.Â
~~~~~
Once everyone was settled in, Bucky led you over to the couch with Sam and Sharron right behind him. They were all hovering over you when all you really wanted was some space.Â
âCan you guys back up please? I need some space,â you said, scooting away from them.Â
âSorry but we need to check out your injuries,â your dad said.Â
You knew what he was asking so you quickly took off the top layer of your suit top, leaving you in just a plain t-shirt. Before you got the chance to roll your shirt up to expose your side wound, your dadâs eyes landed on the cut on your arm.Â
He quickly grabbed your arm to get a better look at it, âSeriously Y/n? When did this one happen?â he knew it was recent, seeing as the blood was still wet and hadnât dried completely.Â
âIn the bar. Some guy cut me. I guess itâs worse than I thought,â you said, pulling your arm away from him.
Bucky was trying hard to keep his composure. He wasnât mad at you but at himself. He was the one who let you leave New York with him and he was the one who brought you along. It was his fault you were hurt. He had gone years protecting you and keeping you from harm but he felt like he failed today.Â
âLetâs just get this taken care of,â Sam said. He wanted to get you back on your feet as soon as possible. He would never admit it but he cared for you like a younger sister and didnât like seeing you hurt.Â
âYeah just get me what I need and I can do it,â you said. You had to sew yourself up multiple times before and you were a pro at it by now.Â
âNo,â your dad said, taking the supplies Sharron had gathered.Â
âDad, come on. You canât do it,â you said, reaching for the supplies. You were right. Bucky never had to do that type of stuff on himself. He was always taken care of by HYDRA medics, due to their want of him being in perfect condition. You on the other hand, they could have cared less about you. They made you fix yourself up all the time so by the age of ten, you were already able to sew up deep gashes and bullet wounds.Â
âYou can show me. I donât want you to do it on yourself,â Bucky argued back.Â
âWell Iâm not letting you do it. Youâll mess up and hurt me,â you argued. You reached for the supplies again but Bucky held them above your head so you couldnât get them.Â
âLet me do it then,â you heard Zemo say from the other side of the room, âI have plenty of experience in this department,â he said, walking over to the couch.Â
âAbsolutely not,â you spat, âIâm not letting you anywhere near me. Especially not with a freaking needle.â
âI have no intention to hurt you Y/n,â he replied.Â
You scoffed, âOh really? Cause last time I checked-â Bucky cut you off.Â
âY/n let him do it,â he said.Â
âWhat?â you shouted, âYouâre going to let him, a murderer and someone who framed you for a bombing, do surgery on me? Youâre nuts.â
âHeâs the only one who can do it,â he said to you softly, âTrust me, Iâm not a fan of the idea either but I donât want you getting even more hurt,â he explained. He put his hand on your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, âIâll be here and Iâll make sure he doesnât do anything okay?â
You didnât respond. You just furrowed your brows, staring between Zemo and your dad.
âHey,â your dad said, getting you to look at him, âYou trust me right?â
You nodded so your dad let Zemo come over and sit down next to you, âBe careful,â Bucky said to Zemo, âYou hurt her and Iâll turn you back in.â
âUnderstood,â Zemo said.Â
You rolled up the sleeve of your shirt so he could attend to the cut on your arm.Â
âThis may sting a bit,â he said before he started to clean the area around the cut. You grabbed your dadâs hand and squeezed it hard.Â
âThat was more than a bit,â you hissed.Â
âApologies,â he said. He moved on to start the actual process of stitches. It hurt like hell but it would be nowhere near as painful as the injury on your stomach.Â
âNow for the big one,â Zemo said.
You rolled up your shirt just enough so the injury was exposed and you stopped Zemo before he could start cleaning the area, âLet him do this part,â you said.Â
Zemo nodded before handing your dad the gauze he was using to clean your wound. He was gentle, making sure to not press too hard. He could tell you were still in a lot of pain and any adrenaline that had been easing the pain was now gone.Â
âSam, can you go and get her something for the pain?â Bucky asked.Â
Sam nodded and left to go find Sharron and something to help you.Â
Bucky heard you hiss and then curse under your breath, making him turn his attention back to you. Zemo had already started stitching your side and you were not having it.Â
âFuck it hurts,â you whined. You had started to squirm, probably making it worse.Â
âStop moving. Thatâs why it hurts,â Zemo said, not taking his eyes off his work.Â
âEasy for you to say,â you snapped.Â
âY/n just relax,â Bucky said. He grabbed your hand and tried to comfort you the best he could by rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. It didnât work too well though. You were still cursing under your breath with every stitch and moving around.Â
Sam returned with water and some pills as soon as Zemo had finished.Â
âAbout time,â you said, taking the things from him and downing them, âI couldâve used this like five minutes ago.â
âJust get some rest kiddo,â Sam said, ignoring the glare he was receiving from you.Â
âWell you guys need my help right now so this will do,â you said, standing up from the couch.Â
âJust stay here and rest,â your dad said, gently pushing you back to the couch, âOnce we find out where we need to go next, weâll come and get you.â
Arguing with your dad wouldnât help you right now so you decided to just listen and lay back on the couch. Bucky grabbed a blanket and tossed it over you, letting you get comfortable. He watched as you snuggled into it, closing your eyes and falling asleep quickly.Â
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#x daughter!reader#x teen!reader#bucky barnes x teen!reader#bucky barnes x daughter!reader#bucky barnes x teen#bucky barnes x daughter#bucky barnes daughter#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes#fatws bucky#falcon and the winter soldier#fatws#fatws spoilers#sam wilson
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a/n: this is the first installment(?) of the Nori brain rot from ages ago w/a Studio Ghibli vibe, idk man this just happened word count: 2.2k tags: post!Shibuya arc, possible spoilers, blood, violence, cursing(?), heavily Hoizer inspired, kinda edited character(s): Noritoshi Kamo, fem!sorcerer reader pt ll
Curses stank.Â
In a metaphorical sense yes. But also in a literal sense for you.Â
These twisted beings permeated your senses like a rot that you could never rid. Unless exorcised they stuck around in your nostril for days. Each one a different smell but all of them stuck in your craw all the same.Â
Beasts of rancid nature in behaviors and looks. Nothing more than to be exorcised by sorcerers. You learned quickly that exorcising the curses was no different than taking out week old trash.Â
What you hadnât planned on was someone doing more than dumping trash on the world. Whatever had happened. Suddenly you were faced with more than just dutiful tasks of keeping non sorcerers safe. A monsoon of trash had been dumped not only on you. But every human in this world.Â
Your nostrils burned. And you couldnât be rid of these things quick enough. Each one you exorcised only meant two or three popped up in their place. Never ending. You couldnât stomach this smell though. It wouldnât kill you before you got a breath of fresh air.
Glancing around you take a deep breath. Mountain air on the outskirts of Kyoto during this time of year always meant a refreshing break from the city stank. What you smelled wasnât refreshing. It was that same vile smell you could clearly recall.Â
A curse. One that was close too.
To thread carefully was to perhaps save your life. Every aspect of daily life ripped from you. As well of millions of others. You had done your part to try and protect those around you. Soon finding it in slight vain as you sought out some place to find your own breath of fresh air in this madness.Â
âItâs close....I feel like Iâm gonna hurl.â Thoughts toying with where the curse might have hidden itself. You keep a firm grip on your hilt with every intent to draw it the second the creature made the mistake of slipping up.Â
Where you could smell it lurking. There was something else. Almost metallic in scent. You ignored it though. Nothing over powered the scent of a curse. You longed for just the sight of these things. Told over and over again how handy it was to have more than one sense open to curses. Each and every time you took a whiff of one, it made you wish nothing more than to just be able to see these creatures instead of smell them as well.
âWait-â Every alarm in your body went off. Snapping around you couldnât smell the rancid putridness of the curse anymore. That same metallic scent hung around though. You couldnât identify it. It was something youâd never smelt before but also so familiar.Â
Each hair on the back of your neck rose. This was an old deserted Buddhist temple. No one should have been here except you and the curse ransacking the place. A safe haven or so you thought. When your instinct told you to step behind one of the structural beams. You were suddenly glad you did.
Mere inches from your face, the gust of an arrow whistled past you. Weapons were not used by curses. Now you understood. That smell was human.
Quick to defend yourself, with sword drawn, you didnât expect the same arrow to make a hard one eighty back in the direction you were. No wooden pillar to save you now. You raise your sword just quick enough to sheer the object in half. Rendering what ever power it was imbued with useless. As it had sped past you though the faint smell of iron suddenly became strong. Whatever it was from had a source. Likely human.
Not ready to give up your ideal hiding place to some interloper. You take only a second to focus on the unfamiliar smell. Faint. And not like a curse. There was something towards the back of the temple though that hinted that they were lurking where you couldnât see them.
With an idea of where the attack would come from. When another arrow came flying by you from a faceless source, you were ready. Smacking it down before the enchanted weapon could turn on you like the first had. This time though youâd seen what angle the projectile was fired from.
âGotcha,â No shortage of ways around a deteriorated temple like this. You duck down through a few broken beams and make your way up to where the attack came from.Â
Expecting to have but a lowly sniper sitting with no way to guard themselves. You find no one. But the scent lingered. Scrutinizing it closer you decided maybe to use a different sense, â...Hey, I know youâre not a curse! Neither am I! Maybe if you just-â Words cut off by another arrow whizzing past you. There was nothing ruder than being interrupted. Glowering in the direction that the arrow came from now you tightened you grip on your sword, âOk! I get it- Strangers we might not-â
Another arrow. This time too close to your head for comfort. You lost your patience with the third one.Â
Recklessly charging towards the assailant was clearly enough to throw their game off track. Swinging your weapon before seeing what it was to lie before you. It was a surprise when your blade met with the dull thud of the wooden limb of a bow.Â
âWhat the-â You attack deflected for the moment being. Your first instinct is to jump back from whoever deflected your attack. In close enough range you thought you had the upper hand to avoid the bow. But that was purely lazy thinking on your part as the cause of the stank of iron became clear.
âSlicing exorcism!â This nobody who reeked of iron shot what looked to be a shuriken made of blood at you.Â
No time to be disgusted. An overwhelming scent of blood made it apparent what youâd been smelling. It wasnât a simple metal. It was blood.
âOh- Oh!â You raise your blade up in the nick of time to just get the splatter of cold liquid on your cheeks. Disgusted in passing you have no time to dwell as the stranger before you makes to dart away. With their head of dark hair in your line of sight, you werenât ready to try and re-find them once again in this maze of debris.
Lurching forward you feel the upper hand stall when they stopped your attack once more with the brute of their bow. Clear view of them now. The man whoâd clearly fired the arrows was all but composed when shaking off your attack. No way to not suspect another sorcerer caught up in this giant trash heap of curse attacks. You still have no time to play nice when they hurl another blood conjured weapon at you.
In such suddenness you are less lucky than you have been. This one catching your cheek and causing a sting to spread throughout the skin of your face. Fed up with this game you donât care if heâs a sorcerer or not. This was a one for all situation now that you intended to win.
Firm foot hold found. You realize the man has cornered himself at this point. Range attacks out of the question. Undoubtedly giving you the upper hand now. With a hefty swing of your sword and the first time youâd channeled any energy into at all. You bring it down like a guillotine. Ready to strike flesh. Instead the snap of the bow is your first sign of an upper hand.Â
All but trash the man throws it aside but too slowly. Youâre on him before the range attacker can pull that weird blood trick again. Slight intent to kill as if he were a curse. You swipe your foot down and knock him down to the temple floor with a hard thud.
You waste no time between the moment his head hit the ground and your above him. Tip of your blade pressed to his neck. One breath too deep from him and the sharp tip would pierce his pale skin. Eyes fixated down on him you realize in the moments after your adrenaline fades that heâs staring right up at you.
Sharp tongue your words come out curt only to be interruped right away, âWho are-â
âAnother sorcerer-â His eyes open from the slits theyâd remained in the skirmish, âWhat are you doing here? How did you-â
âI get to ask the questions!â You snarl, jabbing his throat with your sword just enough to watch a crimson bead peak from under the tip of your weapon, âYou attacked me, what are you doing up here? Why were you-â
â...youâre so pretty-â Suddenly his eyes open wide realizing what he said, âWait I didnât-â
âShut up or Iâll cut your throat out!â Your sword pressing uncomfortably into the side of his neck now, âI asked you a question! Why are you up here!?â
âKamo-â
âWhat? What are you-â
âKamo family!â He quickly sputtered, âHead of the Kamo family!â
The name rang a bell somewhere in your frazzled brain.
âIâm the head-â He suddenly registered really the blade to his neck, âIâm looking for stragglers-â
âIn an abandoned temple?â You werenât buying it.Â
âMy people live just down the hill,â He spoke earnestly, âI had to keep the stragglers safe when the curses released from their seals in the keep. Some where up here but-â
âI killed them,â You glared down at him, âI killed all but the one you shot. How long were you up here? Were you following me?â
A shake of his head even as he stared at the glimmer of your sword, âNo. I was looking for anyone who came up here. I didnât expect to find another sorcerer. I felt your cursed energy and assumed you were a curse.â
Eyes narrowing you didnât like the sound of something so simple to this pretty face, â...I donât believe you. Give me a reason I shouldnât kill you right now or else-â
âNoritoshi-â He blurted out, âNoritoshi Kamo. Head of the Kamo family. I can give you some place safe to stay. I donât understand whatâs going on but-â
You lift the blade from his throat. Something about the diligent tone in his voice. Like heâd introduced himself like that a million times. You could kill him but it seemed a waste. Weapon retracted but no offer to help him up. You stand above him with a confounded glare, â...do you know whatâs happening?â
His head shook and your stomach dropped. Noritoshi didnât get up. Only propping himself up slightly when he realized the back of his head was thumping from the impact, â....A special grade curse released a powerful seal in Shibuya about two weeks ago...I saw but....â His face became somber and he shook his head once again, â...I donât know whatâs been going on. I just know things are in disarray and itâs my duty to protect my people.â
Once more you were skeptical but with how little rest youâd gotten in the past few days due to the tremendous increase in curses. This manâs words seemed as solid as any other theory youâd heard. More so than the plea of non sorcererâs you listened to day in and day out about the end of times.Â
â...Has the Jujutsu elders said anything?â You step off him completely. If he was speaking the truth maybe he knew what was going on as an actual heir to one of the clans.
Noritoshi looked up at you a moment longer, âNo...thereâs been a wide emergency notice to do what you can but our numbers....â He grew quiet, â...as many sorcerers seem to be dying as the rest of Japan.â
Perhaps the end of times were coming. You grip your sword hilt tight and take a deep breath, â....seems a angel of death is coming then whether we like it or not.â
âYouâre a sorcerer.â He began to get to his feet, âPlease, come with me. If anything to stay away from here. There is a grave yard on the other side of the thicket. More curses will come. No one should be here even as a sorcerer yourself.â
First hand youâd seen the influx he spoke of. From every direction. While out of the city provided some safety you knew that this place left you as vulnerable as any other if you stayed alone. With no words to be spoken of from the elders. And an age of curses threatening to crowd out humans. Like a trash pile reaching itâs capacity. You didnât see much choice in this one.
â...I will kill you if I find out youâre lying to me.â Voice firm without breaking eye contact with him as you sheath your sword, âI smell one curse in this safe space of yours and Iâll-â
âKill me, yes,â Noritoshi nodded with both busted ends of his bow in his hands as he looked on at you, âI am not lying but if you see fit, Iâll accept you as my angel of death then.â
a/n: I have one wine cooler in me as I finish this. This might be a multi part if the inspiration finds me. Anyways, um, yeah! This is an old idea coming so pls let me know if you liked it!
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#kamo noritoshi#noritoshi x reader#noritoshi kamo x reader#jjk noritoshi#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader
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Why Twiins' Video Doesn't Work (For Me.)
While I've never been thoroughly invested in Adam, as I am with James, I do see that there are major problems with the video itself. Even for someone like me who got into the FNDM pretty late and had to rewatch all the volumes to catch up, something about Adam's character never sat right with me.
What I wanted to talk about is how Adam's character feels trapped in a limbo of what was V1-V3, as well as the Black Trailer. We have no idea what to think about him, and so we have to grasp for clues and straws to make sense of him. It's the same thing Twiins does in her video - grasp for clues and straws that make something coherent.
In fact, I'd wager that all the characters had no identity throughout V1-V3. We hardly know anything about them, because they were constantly side-lined to give other Team McGees spotlight. Team RWBY didn't do anything remarkable either. Especially not Blake.
Remember, the writers said that V4 was where the real story began. So, does this mean everybody before V4 is irrelevant? I certainly hope not, and I don't think the writers wanted it that way. But then again, these are people who never watch what they say, so how can I trust them when they changed Adam's characterization into crazy ex? I can't.
When we arrived at V4, there was a drastic change in the air. Now, this was where Monty had passed, so of course, the writing would be immensely different without him around.
Ruby, Weiss, and Yang became different. Ruby became an ignorant little angel, Weiss became even more blank, and Yang just became a huge bitch.
Adam's character completely changed after V3. I am sorry to say it, but it's the truth. There was set up for something about Adam and the WF in the very beginning, only for it to suddenly do a switcheroo once V3 was done. He went from being adamant about Faunus rights to being anal about his stupid ex.
And Blake became even more irrelevant than before.
That's the thing. Blake became so irrelevant that her story only seemed to matter when it had anything to do with Adam or the White Fang, or both. If Adam revolved around Blake to be relevant, then Blake's character also suffered by having her existence revolve around him.
When Adam died, Blake became a nothing character. A filler character that should belong in the background. She just became unimportant, and the funny thing is, the only time Blake is deemed important enough is when it has to do with Yang. Blake's character growth didn't change at all. She just put her burden on somebody else after Adam died.
If it weren't for Yang, Blake would be incredibly useless and scrutinized to no end.
Twiins claims that it was Monty's vision to make Adam a certain way, but the thing is - she also doesn't know that. Nobody truly knows, and Shane's letter is still being scrutinized to this day. Nobody will ever have solid proof that things were meant to be this way for Adam.
And anyway, how does the Yang v Adam fight have anything to do with his relationship with Blake? What if she was prompted to attack him because he was hurting, idk, Ruby or Weiss, or just a random victim? Is she in love with them, or is she saving them to save them? Or, did Adam corner Yang and she was prompted to defend herself? WE DON'T KNOW.
Not to mention, the video just focuses strongly on Blake's relationship with Adam. Twiins stated that Adam started with this, "I hate all humans," characterization, and I do believe that's what made people drawn in. He's a freedom fighter using violence to get equality. Blake was just an accessory to him and his story. I wouldn't be surprised if Adam never cared about Blake and it was all one-sided.
Everybody loves a villain that fights for the right things. I mean look at me - I love Ironwood. It's more than likely that fans found interest in Adam for taking on such a task that Blake didn't want to take on. Blake certainly stopped giving a shit about the WF and Faunus Rights after a while, as did the writing. Blake just handed the problem over to her parents and Ilia and skipped away with her girlfriend to do this stupid world-saving mission.
It's what's so frustrating, too. Adam seemed to be the only one speaking for the Faunus and WF. Blake certainly didn't. Adam was the only one doing remotely anything for his rights. Blake seemed to of accepted this passively racist society, hence why she let Cordovin slide with that racist remark. Had to give Weiss Savior a chance to glow and not the Faunus girl? The Faunus girl who's been "preaching" for her rights, but lets somebody else do the talking for her?
BTW let's not forget that Robyn is also being a racist shit towards Marrow. She called him "Wags." That's a big no-no to the Faunus people, that's a slur in their world. But, we don't talk about that...
The writers admitted that they had no idea what to do with the Faunus arc anymore, so they shelved it. This is why Adam suffers as a character because the writers had no idea what to do with this incredibly sensitive topic anymore. They created this arc and they - once again - dug themselves into a hole they had made and wondered why they can't get out.
And that's the big problem with the video. It's all cherry-picking. I would know - I am the cherry harvester of nitpicking.
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Hey Bun,
I wanted to add comment to my previous ask. Like I completely agree with you the way you said that referring to what happened to me as "swinging" is really insensitive. Like especially saying it in front of his family. I think that's what really rubs me the wrong way like the most. Like idk when he said that it makes it sound to other people that it was both of us but it WASN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL.
They don't know that I was literally being threatened with violence if I didn't do what I was told to do. They don't know that I had no part in chosing those people. Like it just makes it sound like I was involved when I wasn't.
Like I mean he has admitted to me previously that he knows I didn't want to do it and he knows he forced me and he knows it wasn't consensual but like why can't he say it in front of them?? He can say he hit me and screamed at me and everything else in front of them so if we're going to lay it out then why not tell the whole truth.
Idk I guess that just bothers me because that's such a huge part of my trauma and that's the part that affects me the most out of anything and it's like now everyone will think I'm just a whore.
I also agree with you when you said that it was inappropriate to just come out and start that talk in front of everyone. Like idk it was really embarrassing. Like I literally couldn't say anything I was just sobbing quietly in my kitchen like while he was talking to me. Especially the last part about the sexual abuse (that he won't call sexual abuse) but like why did they have to hear that. Then on top of everything to be told that everyone knows, so it's like oh yeah we know you're being abused so that's why we don't say anything when you show obvious symptoms of being abused. Like wow thanks everyone. I'm so glad everyone thinks it's some big joke that I went through this.
Idk Bun I just feel like it's going to take a lot and a long time to come back from this like I'm not really sure he understands the damage that was done to me like mentally. I worry if this is something I won't ever really come back from. Like I'll just have to keep living with it like I have been.
DW đ
Hi DW đ,
Yeah, it sounds to me with the whole "swinging" thing that he either just isn't fully cognizant of the situation (he did just begin to come around, seemingly, so it may not be too surprising if it's not a full 180) or is straight up refusing to acknowledge your lack of consent (in which case he may not be fully apologetic since he seems to blatantly ignore that whole part, and I know you said he did acknowledge it at one point but I think he may be ultimately scared to because of the implications).
I can understand why you found it embarrassing. Like while you shouldn't necessarily be ashamed, it makes sense why you'd be uncomfortable having them know. Also it hits me right in the Trauma when you said "we know you're being abused so that's why we don't say anything when you show obvious symptoms of being abused. Like wow thanks everyone. I'm so glad everyone thinks it's some big joke that I went through this." It feels inexplicably invalidating to feel like there are a crowd of bystanders to your trauma. It feels gaslighting because it's like they don't find it serious enough to do something. It infuriates me. What kind of person knows that their relative is being abused and does absolutely nothing to help? It's nauseating. You deserve attention, acknowledgement, help, and care from those around you, god dammit.
Please take your time in healing from everything. Don't feel rushed at all (I broke up with my abuser 7 years ago and I am still healing). Also consider that being with your fiancĂŠ may involuntarily pause your trauma recovery because you may still feel physiologically and/or psychologically unsafe around him after everything, and recovery really only happens once the person feels safe enough. At the same time, know that you can heal from this. It may take a long time, but you can do it.
Some things I want you to think about are: What do you imagine your future will look like staying with your fiancĂŠ? Do you think you could look past what he did to you and love him the same? What do you think the future will look like with your child? Do you think it is worth your health to stay with him? Those are just some questions I want you to think about rhetorically.
I'll be here as always. Please take care of yourself and let me know if you need anything or would like to comment on this.
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